Archive for 2006

9AM Back to Work

Employee on phone: Wait, let me read you the email he sent out this morning: “Just a reminder that today, like every Friday, is acquittals day. So acquit, acquit, acquit away, and keep the frightening audits at bay.” Yep, poetry…See? This is why I’m leaving.

Elizabeth Street
Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Tigertail

10AM Damage Control

Coworker: I didn’t mean to diss Madonna! It’s just that I feel at this moment in my life, I’m over her.

163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper

1PM Cyber Flirting

Employee #1: How many innings are in a baseball game? Eight? Ten?
Employee #2: Are you serious?
Employee #1: Yeah. C’mon, how many?
Employee #2: Eight. Why do you want to know?
Employee #1: I’m talking to this girl and I just told her she’s struck out at the bottom of the ninth, and then I wrote, “even though there’s only eight innings in baseball.” Ha ha.
Employee #2: Did you send the instant message?
Employee #1: Yeah.
Employee #2: There’s nine innings in baseball.

215 Glenbrook Road
Storrs, Connecticut

Overheard by: trying to contain laughter

12PM Lunch

Boss: Oh my god! There were things in there that I should have put away or hidden, like sex toys in stuff that I keep in my underwear drawer.
Coworker: She wouldn’t go in your underwear drawer.
Boss: Well that’s why she’s there…to help us pack. Oh my god, I have like two sets of handcuffs, too.

2355 West Bangs Avenue
Neptune, New Jersey

2PM Straight to Voicemail

Attorney: Hey Jordan*, what have you done for me lately?
Jordan: Nothing, actually.
Attorney: Anything you do for the boss, you do for me!
Jordan: Well in that case, I’ve been avoiding your phone calls lately.

4 Times Square
New York, New York

Overheard by: Just looking…

1PM Refueling

Power broker #1: Two large cappuccinos.
Cashier: Thank you. That will be $4.50.
Power broker #1: Where’s the cinnamon?
Cashier: I’m sorry, we’re out of cinnamon.
Power broker #1: Then I don’t want it!
Cashier: Excuse me?
Power broker #2: Okay, let’s just bring it back to the office.
Power broker #1: No! Just give me my money back. I can’t drink the foamy milk without the cinnamon.

100 Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: Mark