Archive for 2006

11AM In­ter­view

In­ter­view­er: Tell me about a time when you had to de­cide some­thing quick­ly.
Ap­pli­cant: When I quit my last job. Just one day, I’d had enough.
In­ter­view­er: So…you did­n’t give no­tice.
Ap­pli­cant: It’s not like they did­n’t know it was com­ing. They laid off a bunch of peo­ple lat­er.
In­ter­view­er: What do you think are your great­est strengths?
Ap­pli­cant: I’m re­li­able. Very de­pend­able.

301 In­dus­tri­al Boule­vard
Con­way, Arkansas

Over­heard by: Denise

9AM Back to Work

Em­ploy­ee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Em­ploy­ee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you’re al­ways late.
Em­ploy­ee #1: No, se­ri­ous­ly.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Dude, weren’t you late to­day? You’re al­ways late on Fri­days.
Em­ploy­ee #1: I got here at 8:35 but nor­mal­ly I show up at 9am, so I was­n’t late to­day.
Em­ploy­ee #2: 8:35 is late. Every­one else shows up at 8.
Em­ploy­ee #1: I have to take my daugh­ter to school so that’s why I’m typ­i­cal­ly late…but um…her school’s out now for the sum­mer so…yeah, I just for­got to set my alarm.

3320 West Cheryl Dri­ve
Phoenix, Ari­zona

3PM Ex­pense Re­port

Em­ploy­ee: I’ve nev­er trav­eled for work be­fore. Is there a per diem, or…?
Boss: Well, there’s an al­lowance of ten dol­lars a day for break­fast, fif­teen dol­lars a day for lunch, and twen­ty-five dol­lars a day for din­ner. So, fifty dol­lars a day. But save all your re­ceipts, you have to turn all of them in to get cred­it for what you spend.
Em­ploy­ee: So if I ate a ba­nana for break­fast and a ba­nana for lunch…could I go to a Braves game at night?
Boss: [squint­ing] Uh…
Em­ploy­ee: Okay, how about this: a ba­nana for break­fast, a ba­nana for lunch, and pros­ti­tutes in the ho­tel room?
Boss: You know, why don’t you go to a Braves game?
Em­ploy­ee: That sounds great, thank you!

12920 SE 38th Street
Belle­vue, Wash­ing­ton

2PM In­ven­to­ry Check

Dad: [search­ing through bin of Nal­gene bot­tles] Where is it? I know they have it.
Tod­dler son: Have what, dad?
Dad: [still search­ing] The same col­or bot­tle I had.
Tod­dler son: Why do you need a new one, dad?
Dad: Be­cause mom­my got drunk and left my old one at her boyfriend’s house.

3225 Peachtree Road
At­lanta, Geor­gia

1PM Bath­room Break

Cowork­er: You can to­tal­ly tell who’s in the next toi­let cu­bi­cle by the sound of the shit when it hits the wa­ter.

Har­bour Es­planade
Mel­bourne, Aus­tralia

11AM In the Cor­ner Of­fice

VP : So tell me again, why should she get a raise?
Di­rec­tor: She’s been with us fif­teen years, just com­plet­ed her Mas­ters and has made a lot of mon­ey for us the last 10 years.
VP: Lis­ten, we don’t give out rais­es for peo­ple who do a good job. You’ve got­ta have a bet­ter rea­son than that.

1600 East Wen­dover Av­enue
Greens­boro, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Tom Duehring

10AM Stu­dent Con­fer­ence

Teacher: Are you sure that this is a note from your moth­er?
Kid: Yeah, she wrote it with her own hand.
Teacher: Okay, so you are go­ing to tell me that you were out for two weeks be­cause your mom had to go to Chica­go to buy a bed?
Kid: That’s right. We on­ly buy our fur­ni­ture in Chica­go.
Teacher: Okay, but I don’t be­lieve it. That’s like the note you sent me say­ing you would be at­tend­ing a fu­ner­al in two weeks. That your grand­ma was go­ing to be dead in two weeks.
Kid: Yeah, so what.
Teacher: Well, you tell me, was that planned or did she come about with some un­for­tu­nate ac­ci­dent?
Kid: They can nev­er pin it on me.

Desert Marigold Lane
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

9AM Back to Work

Sweaty, mid­dle-aged man in run­ning shorts: Hey,wait! Hey, wait! How old are you two?
Young busi­ness woman #1: Why?
Sweaty, mid­dle-aged man in run­ning shorts: I just want­ed ask one of you out, but I can’t tell how old you are un­der your sun­glass­es.
Young busi­ness woman #2: Umm…no. We’re work­ing.
Sweaty, mid­dle-aged man: Oh, nev­er mind.

2825 East­lake Av­enue East
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton