Archive for 2006

Somebody in Miami Keeps Buying Us Out

Toy store clerk #1: Hey, Jessie*, do we still have any of those Communist uniforms?
Toy store clerk #2: I don’t think so.
Toy store clerk #1: What about the Communist soldier figurines?
Toy store clerk #2: Hm… I don’t think so.
Toy store clerk #1: Do we have anything Communist-related?
Toy store clerk #2: I think we still have the stick-on Communist facial hair…

29th Street and Guadalupe Street
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: amused socialist

At the Sal Monella Country Inn

Waitress: And so the guy from the health department says we have, like, one day to get this shit cleaned up or he is shutting us down. Oh my god, he’s right! Look at all this crap in the bottom of the ice… [As two customers walk in] Oh, hello. Two for dinner?

Diner
Maine

Overheard by: brian brinegar

This Is Just Like the Time I Coughed Up That Set of Keys

Woman #1: Oh my god, I got so drunk last night that I ate a cigarette!
Woman #2: What? Did you throw up?
Woman #1: I tried to make myself. I got some of it out, but the filter is still in there. Do you think that’s bad?
Woman #2: I doubt it.
Woman #1: I have no freaking clue why I did it, I just decided to — it was so bizarre!
Woman #2: Oh, man…

1020 19th Street NW
Washington, DC

You Know Something Is Happening but You Don’t Know What It Is, Do You, Dr. Stewart?

Announcer on PA system: Dr. Stewart*, please call 5-5-2-0; Dr. Stewart, 5-5-2-0.
Dr. Stewart, over the PA system a few minutes later: Whomever needed Dr. Stewart, I don’t know who you are and I didn’t hear that number, so call me at– [pause]. Oh, shit, I don’t know what number this is. Wait… Okay, so just page me again with that number… [Pause] You mean everyone can hear me? Fuck.

Arizona

Overheard by: Seriously glad I’m not his patient