Archive for 2006

For a Telemarketer Who Has an IQ above 70, Press ‘2’

Homeowner answering telephone: Hola.
Telemarketer, in broken English: I am calling to tell you about a new calling plan…
Homeowner: No habla Ingles.
Telemarketer: Do you speak English?
Homeowner: No habla Ingles.
Telemarketer, speaking very slowly: Then I will speak English very slowly to you.
Homeowner: No habla Ingles, adios.

921 South Irby Street
Florence, South Carolina

Overheard by: Dun Ben Ther

Wait, How Do You Spell It in a Fake British Accent, Again?

Middle-aged guy #1 looking at menu: Hey, man, they spelled ‘Caesar’ wrong.
Middle-aged guy #2: What do you mean?
Middle-aged guy #1: They spelled it C-A-E-S-A-R instead of C-E-A-S-A-R. They switched the ‘A’ and ‘E.’
Middle-aged guy #2: Yeah, I’ve seen it spelled that way before. It’s, like, the authentic Roman spelling.
Middle-aged guy #1: Oh, yeah, they were always doing crazy shit… Like backward V’s and stuff.

Sam Snead’s Tavern
Shawnee on Delaware, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Logan

And I Won’t Read to the Blind Either! They’ve Got Braille!

Suit #1: Hey, you always participate in the office Volunteer Day events. You did the March of Dimes Walk earlier this year. Are you going to paint the homeless shelter next month?
Suit #2: No. I did the March of Dimes Walk because the babies can’t walk it. The homeless can paint their own shelter.

32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Waistline: It’s the Cheesesteaks

Harvard MBA student: So, are you flying back tonight? What airport are you flying into? New York?
Suit: Why would we fly to New York? We’re from Philadelphia.
Harvard MBA student: I didn’t know Philadelphia had an airport.
Suit: It’s the fifth-largest city in the U.S., of course it has an airport.
Harvard MBA student: Largest city? Based on what?
Suit: Uh, population…

Harvard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Not hiring any MBAs