Archive for 2006

The Colom­bians Were Bid­ding High­er When the Mar­ket Closed

Re­cep­tion­ist: Thank you for call­ing Wid­gets Inc.* How may I help you?
Cus­tomer: I got a let­ter from my in­sur­ance com­pa­ny telling me to fill out a pa­per with my so­cial se­cu­ri­ty num­ber on it and send it to you. Who are you?
Re­cep­tion­ist: We work with the gov­ern­ment to help you with your ap­peal.
Cus­tomer: Oh. So you won’t be sell­ing my so­cial se­cu­ri­ty num­ber to any­body in Nige­ria?
Re­cep­tion­ist: No, sir, not to­day.

50 Square Dri­ve
Rochester, New York

Over­heard by: We’ll sell it to­mor­row

He’s Al­so Been Di­vorced for Three Years But Does­n’t Know It

Client: Why do I have fi­nan­cial charges? It was a plan for “same as cash” for eigh­teen months.
CSR: Well, sir, we sent you eigh­teen months of state­ments telling you that if you don’t pay by the due date, you’ll have fi­nan­cial charges to pay and ex­act­ly how much they would be.
Client: You ex­pect­ed me to read my mail?

Toron­to, Cana­da

Over­heard by: Citi Slick­er

And Con­ve­nient­ly Car­ries Enough Ice to Cov­er an Un­con­scious Body in a Bath­tub

En­gi­neer: Where do I put this cool­er?
Sci­en­tist #1: You know what that cool­er is?
En­gi­neer: Um, no.
Sci­en­tist #1: That’s my old date cool­er.
Sci­en­tist #2: Huh?
Sci­en­tist #1: ‘Cause it’s tall enough for a bot­tle of wine.
Sci­en­tist #2: I had a cool­er too, for or­gans.
En­gi­neer: This one’s tall enough for a whole lung!

High­land Av­enue
Cheshire, Con­necti­cut

Ac­tu­al­ly She Just Had a Cold, But We Take Her Liv­ing Will Very Se­ri­ous­ly

Em­ploy­ee: You know my friend did­n’t die the oth­er day when they, uh, dis­con­nect­ed her.
Man­ag­er: Oh no?
Em­ploy­ee: But she’s dy­ing right now. It took forty-eight hours. I won­der if she’s hun­gry.

365 West Pas­sa­ic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Jer­sey Girl