Archive for 2006

It’s Too Late to Save This Con­ver­sa­tion

Straight guy #1: Are we ac­tu­al­ly watch­ing the Ellen De­Generes Show?
Straight guy #2: It’s just on.
Straight guy #3: I think she’s hot.
Straight guy #2: Ellen De­Generes is hot?
Straight guy #3: Yeah.
Straight guy #2: I saw her in re­al life once.
Straight guy #3: Yeah, where?
Straight guy #2: I was in a les­bian dis­co in West Hol­ly­wood.
Straight guy #3: Wait, she’s gay?
Straight guy #2: Ellen? Are you kid­ding?
Straight guy #3: Oh, I thought we were talk­ing about Rachael Ray.

1260 Li­brary Street
De­troit, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: little*bit

Maybe We Should Have Drilled This First

Cowork­er over in­ter­com: It’s been brought to our at­ten­tion that there is a downed pow­er line in the court­yard. Please avoid it when walk­ing be­tween build­ings. [Five min­utes lat­er] An ad­den­dum to the last mes­sage: Please avoid walk­ing be­tween build­ings if pos­si­ble. [Five min­utes more, fire alarm go­ing off] Okay every­one, we’re go­ing to evac­u­ate Build­ing One*. Every­one please calm­ly make your way to Build­ing Two*.
Boss scream­ing in back­ground: No, no! The oth­er door! Not that way!

5600 Main Street
Kansas City, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Some­one in the oth­er build­ing…

But the Mem­o­ries Keep Me Warm at Night

Boss who looks like a lep­rechaun: Once, a few years ago when I got my hair cut I was stopped twice in a span of six months on the street by peo­ple telling me I looked just like Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Shocked em­ploy­ee: Re­al­ly?
Boss: Well, that was be­fore my face got fat… Nev­er hap­pened again, though.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: WantsTo­ChokeThe­Boss

You Need to Do Both Ses­sions. Twice.

Man­ag­er #1: So, what do we do if any of our em­ploy­ees don’t show up for the manda­to­ry Ethics Train­ing?
VP: You di­rect them to the sup­ple­men­tal Ethics Train­ing, on­line.
Man­ag­er #2: Could­n’t we just write their names in on the sign-in sheet and say that they were at the ethics thing?

Melville, New York

It’s the Usu­al Sto­ry, Re­al­ly…

Se­cu­ri­ty guard #1: … So then she got ar­rest­ed again.
Se­cu­ri­ty guard #2: Oh, what’s that now?
Se­cu­ri­ty guard #1: Yeah, she got ar­rest­ed for steal­ing chick­ens.

333 North Michi­gan Av­enue
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Krazy Karl

She Cries, ‘More, More, More!’

Lawyer #1: Is ‘Rebel Yell’ on the CD? I sing that in the show­er… And I find my­self punch­ing my fist up in­to the sky… in re­bel­lion.
Lawyer #2: Wow.
Lawyer #1: My wife re­al­ly en­joys it.

Wilshire Boule­vard
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: AJF