Archive for December, 2006

It’s Too Late to Save This Conversation

Straight guy #1: Are we actually watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show?
Straight guy #2: It’s just on.
Straight guy #3: I think she’s hot.
Straight guy #2: Ellen DeGeneres is hot?
Straight guy #3: Yeah.
Straight guy #2: I saw her in real life once.
Straight guy #3: Yeah, where?
Straight guy #2: I was in a lesbian disco in West Hollywood.
Straight guy #3: Wait, she’s gay?
Straight guy #2: Ellen? Are you kidding?
Straight guy #3: Oh, I thought we were talking about Rachael Ray.

1260 Library Street
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: little*bit

Maybe We Should Have Drilled This First

Coworker over intercom: It’s been brought to our attention that there is a downed power line in the courtyard. Please avoid it when walking between buildings. [Five minutes later] An addendum to the last message: Please avoid walking between buildings if possible. [Five minutes more, fire alarm going off] Okay everyone, we’re going to evacuate Building One*. Everyone please calmly make your way to Building Two*.
Boss screaming in background: No, no! The other door! Not that way!

5600 Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: Someone in the other building…

But the Memories Keep Me Warm at Night

Boss who looks like a leprechaun: Once, a few years ago when I got my hair cut I was stopped twice in a span of six months on the street by people telling me I looked just like Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Shocked employee: Really?
Boss: Well, that was before my face got fat… Never happened again, though.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: WantsToChokeTheBoss

You Need to Do Both Sessions. Twice.

Manager #1: So, what do we do if any of our employees don’t show up for the mandatory Ethics Training?
VP: You direct them to the supplemental Ethics Training, online.
Manager #2: Couldn’t we just write their names in on the sign-in sheet and say that they were at the ethics thing?

Melville, New York

It’s the Usual Story, Really…

Security guard #1: … So then she got arrested again.
Security guard #2: Oh, what’s that now?
Security guard #1: Yeah, she got arrested for stealing chickens.

333 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Krazy Karl

She Cries, ‘More, More, More!’

Lawyer #1: Is ‘Rebel Yell’ on the CD? I sing that in the shower… And I find myself punching my fist up into the sky… in rebellion.
Lawyer #2: Wow.
Lawyer #1: My wife really enjoys it.

Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: AJF