Archive for December, 2006

Why You Hire Talk­ing Dogs Is Be­yond Me

Male em­ploy­ee: I want you to know, Cindy* will be com­plain­ing to you about some­thing I said to her. It’s all a lie, though.
Man­ag­er #1: Oookay…
Male em­ploy­ee: She’s gonna say I called her a ‘dirty fuck­ing cunt.‘
Man­ag­er #2: Ohhh, boy…
Male em­ploy­ee: But it’s bull­shit. I called her a ‘dirty fuck­ing bitch.’ I don’t use the ‘C’-word.

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du

I Prob­a­bly Would Nev­er Do That with a Re­al Ba­by

Girl #1: Um, where is your ba­by?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Your ba­by — where is it?
Girl #2: Shit.
Girl #1: You for­got it, did­n’t you? You know those things have com­put­er chips in them that reg­is­ter every time it cries or burps or poops, right? Your grade de­pends on that chip’s hap­pi­ness!
Girl #2: Um, I think I left it in my boyfriend’s truck… since Thurs­day.

Home Eco­nom­ics class, Iron­wood High School
Tuc­son, Ari­zona

Maybe You Should Stop Sleep­ing with Sailors

La­dy cowork­er #1 stand­ing in hos­pi­tal cafe­te­ria line: Wow. Cod again? Why can’t they have a big­ger va­ri­ety of seafood?
La­dy cowork­er #2: It would be great if they would serve some­thing be­sides fish, like shrimp or crab.
La­dy cowork­er #1: Shell­fish is al­ways best when it’s fresh, though. When­ev­er I go to the East Coast I al­ways come back with crabs.

2801 W Ok­la­homa Av­enue
Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin

We Ex­port It

Chi­nese im­mi­grant dri­ver: Every­one is talk­ing about gay mar­riage. What is ‘gay’?
La­dy dri­ver: It’s, uh, when two men or two women like each oth­er in a, uh, sex­u­al way.
Chi­nese im­mi­grant dri­ver: Oh! We don’t have that in Chi­na.

Cal­gary In­ter­na­tion­al Air­port Parkade
Cal­gary, Al­ber­ta

Over­heard by: Girl Dri­ver #2