Paralegal: What can I get you guys?
Consultant: Just a coffee.
Young consultant: Could I get a white mocha latte, please?
Head lawyer: Where do you think this is, LA?
Law firm, Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Archive for November, 2006
And I Won’t Read to the Blind Either! They’ve Got Braille!
Suit #1: Hey, you always participate in the office Volunteer Day events. You did the March of Dimes Walk earlier this year. Are you going to paint the homeless shelter next month?
Suit #2: No. I did the March of Dimes Walk because the babies can’t walk it. The homeless can paint their own shelter.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Waistline: It’s the Cheesesteaks
Harvard MBA student: So, are you flying back tonight? What airport are you flying into? New York?
Suit: Why would we fly to New York? We’re from Philadelphia.
Harvard MBA student: I didn’t know Philadelphia had an airport.
Suit: It’s the fifth-largest city in the U.S., of course it has an airport.
Harvard MBA student: Largest city? Based on what?
Suit: Uh, population…
Harvard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Not hiring any MBAs
The Nexus of the Late ’80s Savings and Loan Debacle
Bank teller supervisor: She started working there when she was 18, and now she’s 46. Yeah, she’s been there 36 years.
1813 E 9th Street
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will66
How about I Shoot You in the Temple and We’ll See Which Way You Recoil
Boss: I want to put new labels on these binders. The labels must be capitalized and all face the same way. [Tilts head to the left, and then to the right] I am just not sure which way I want them to face. I don’t know if I prefer to tilt my head to the left, [tilts head again to the left], or if I prefer tilting to the right.
Santa Cruz, California
One in Each of the Last Three Years
Coworker: So, this woman at my church just had twins, except she had three of them.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: fly on the wall
The Gun In My Hand Will Be the Tip-Off
Guy #1: Hey, I thought you left already. When is your last day?
Guy #2: No, I’m still here until Thursday. Why?
Guy #1: I just wanted to know when you’re still just working here and when I should call security.
7‑Eleven, 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
And She Keeps Track of What STDs I Have
Customer, running: What aisle are your condoms in?
Cashier: Oh, um… aisle seven.
Customer: Thanks! Quick, quick, I’ve got the girl in the cab!
20-something guy behind him: Oooh, picked up a girl in the bar, eh? What’s her name?
Customer: Don’t know — all I know is my wife is in Seattle.
Walgreens, 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Other Cashier
Mariah Carey?
Coworker on phone: Quick, think of a biracial vegetable!
Seattle, Washington
Deleted Adrian Dialogue from Rocky
Woman #1: My boyfriend is Italian. That’s as good as fucking a black man, but without the racial drama.
Woman #2: I thought Italian men were dumb.
Woman #1: Exactly.
Forest Avenue
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Office Manager
