Girl #1: It’s like that kid that was kidnapped for all those years, and then they found him and he was back with his family… but then he died a few years later in a boatorcycle accident.
Girl #2: A boatorcycle accident?
Girl #1: I meant motorcycle.
Girl #2: Yeah, I was gonna say… if he was boatorcycling it would have been his own fault. I mean, he shouldn’t have been boatorcycling.
Girl #1: I know!
4310 Sherwoodtowne Boulevard
Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
Assistant: Are you stealing things already?
Marketing rep: Are you saying that because I’m black?
9401 West Brown Deer Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: T
Suit: Jim’s* door is locked. Is he not here?
Woman #1: No, his mother’s in the hospital.
Suit: Damn!
Woman #1: Not very synthetic, is he.
1500 John F. Kennedy Boulevard
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not synthetic, very real
Account manager: He’s anal, all right. The wrong end of anal.
Powers Ferry
Atlanta, Georgia
Distressed eleven-year-old boy: Ms. B., Aaron called my mom gay and she is gay!
School
Poway, California
Little girl, to employee making a purchase: You can’t shop here! You’re supposed to work! You’re not people!
801 North Congress Avenue
Boynton Beach, Florida
Manager: Ow, shit shit fuck shit.
Peon: What’s wrong?
Manager: I accidentally ironed my arm this morning, and now it hurts every time I touch anything with it.
1180 Jefferson Road
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Cube Farm Worker #5823457
Sales chick, holding sales order: How big is this part? Can it go UPS or does it need a skid?
Warehouse guy: Oh, no, that one is real small. It could fit up my nose.
Sales chick: Um… OK, moving on… They asked for this part a week ago, so I’m going to have it ship today instead of with their large order. Thanks!
Warehouse guy, sticking finger up his nose: Are you sure you don’t want to see how big it is?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Dad: What are birds made of?
Little girl: Chicken?
505 Broadway
Scottsbluff, Nebraska
Overheard by: Chicken soup
Mother: They’re trying to hold him back again. He’s been in preschool twice already. Preschoolers are dull and boring!
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois