Archive for August, 2006

Nobody Who Says ‘Languish’ Would Ever Get Promoted in the US

Boss: So, I have a problem with giving you the job, even though I know you can do it.
Worker: What’s the issue?
Boss: You seem to be annoyed with us, and you’re not upbeat enough after what happened.
Worker: What happened is that I lived the values, delivered on everything, then the organization totally screwed me over, gave my job to someone else, and left me to languish for a year with no certainty about my future. Now you’re saying you can’t give me another job because you’ve been such dickheads?
Boss: I know it sounds bad.

388 George Street
Sydney, Australia

Maybe ‘Shape It Up’ Might Have Been More Appropriate

Employee: Can I help you find something?
Female customer: No…Actually, yes. I can’t find any CDs by Devo.
Employee: Hm. What genre?
Girl: I would say rock, but…
Employee: D‑I-V‑O?
Girl: No, D‑E-V‑O.
Employee: That sounds really familiar. Let me go take a look. [Starts to turn]Girl: Yeah, “Whip it!” [Makes whip crack motion] 

Employee looks hurt and oblivious as he walks away.

1515 West Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas

Sandi’s Dead, But She Told Me Her Files Are in the Computer. Here’s a Hammer.

Assistant: Do I need to do anything with this e‑mail to Karen*?
Sales guy: No.
Assistant: Okay, I’m going to just drop it over into her folder and move on.
Sales guy: Okay, that’s up to you.
Assistant: I save everything.
Sales guy: I like to delete. If I know you’ve saved it, I just delete it.
Assistant: Yeah, but what if my computer bursts into flames? Or what if I quit?
Sales guy: You? Quit? [laughs]Assistant: You shouldn’t laugh…
Sales guy: Oh.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

He’s Still Using a Sundial

Boss: Call England and find out what time it is.
Assistant: Call who in England? England is 5 hours ahead of us, so it’s 4:17 there.
Boss: Can you please listen to what I have to say and just call England? I need to be sure.
Assistant, two minutes later: I called England, and it’s 4:19.
Boss: See, it pays to double check. You were 2 minutes off.

1345 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York

So, Similar to Washing Down a Whole Bottle of Tylenol With a Fifth of Jack Daniels

IT nerd #1: Well, it’s kinda like when you are on shrooms.
IT nerd #2: Um…
IT nerd #1: Okay, well, same thing as LSD.
IT nerd #2: I have never tried that either.
IT nerd #1: Peyote?
IT nerd #2: No…
IT nerd #1: Mescaline?
IT nerd #2: I have never tried illegal drugs.
IT nerd #1: Okay, well, it’s kinda like quickly drinking 8 or 9 bottles of NyQuil.
IT nerd #2: Oooohhh, okay. That I’ve done. Now I understand.

Elevator
2−3−14 Shinagawa-ku
Tokyo, Japan

Overheard by: Brian Milvid