Archive for August, 2006

Who’s on (Safe­ty) First?

Re­cep­tion­ist: Hel­lo! Thank you for call­ing Avon Safe­ty*, where safe­ty comes first. How may I di­rect your call?
Voice #1: How do I di­rect the call?
Voice #2: [indecipherable]Voice #1: I don’t know. That’s all it says…
Re­cep­tion­ist: Hel­lo? This is not a record­ing.
Voice #1: She said it’s a record­ing.
Re­cep­tion­ist: No! This is not a record­ing! Hel­lo?
Voice #1: What do I do?
Voice #2: Hang up.

Avon, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Fae

Or Tom­my Lee

Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: …so if the sun ex­plod­ed sev­en min­utes ago, we would­n’t know it yet, be­cause it takes eight min­utes for the sun’s light to reach us.
Male em­ploy­ee: That’s de­press­ing! What would you do in those sev­en min­utes?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: If I were at work? Have sex.
Male em­ploy­ee: Is­n’t that’s a lot of pres­sure on the guy?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Please. Guys are usu­al­ly all, “Gimme two min­utes!“
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: You could do three guys in that time!
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Three and a half!

Boule­vard Sacré Coeur
Gatineau, Que­bec

Over­heard by: Sara

Cana­di­ans Keep Zoloft in the Wa­ter Sup­ply For Mo­ments Like This

CSR on speak­er­phone: Hey, when am I go­ing to get my email fixed? I have things that I need to send out to clients.
IT guy: Oh, yeah, we sent you an email re­quest­ing some more in­for­ma­tion. We need you to send that email back be­fore we can fix your issue…Hello? Are you send­ing that email?

CSR dis­con­nects the call.

CSR: I’m go­ing on break now.

1616 27th Av­enue NE
Cal­gary, Al­ber­ta, Cana­da

Two Words: Va­sec­to­my, Va­sec­to­my

A man hold­ing a child’s hand meets up with a woman hold­ing an­oth­er child’s hand.

Man and woman, si­mul­ta­ne­ous­ly: I thought he was with you!
Man, turn­ing to go back in­side: I told you this would hap­pen if you let them out­num­ber us.

Out­side Bloom­ing­dale’s, 59th Street
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Kim Sid­dorn

Aren’t Asians Sup­posed to Be Smart?

In­ter­view­er: Have you ever had to deal with rude or irate clients over the tele­phone?
Asian in­ter­vie­wee: Yes, at my last job I had to call the USA, and you know how rude they can be.
In­ter­view­er: Yes, I know all too well, con­sid­er­ing I am Amer­i­can and so is this com­pa­ny. This in­ter­view is now fin­ished. Try not to hit my car on your way out of the park­ing lot…You know how Asians can’t dri­ve!

Toron­to, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Elle (the oth­er in­ter­view­er)

That’s Dif­fer­ent From What He Said Last Week at the Of­fice Par­ty

Boss: Does any­one have any ques­tions?

Em­ploy­ee asks in­volved ques­tion.

Boss: You know what? I have a mil­lion ques­tions that you can­not an­swer.
Em­ploy­ee: But you asked if any­one had any ques­tions.
Boss: Yeah, and if I asked if any­one had to go to the bath­room, I would­n’t ex­pect you to whip it out and take a whiz right here.

Stam­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Spac­ing Out