Receptionist: I thought she was going to tell me I was fat…but, no, she just wanted to tell me that I smell bad.
Andover Park West
Tukwila, Washington
Archive for July, 2006
How Does Me Killing You and Assuming Your Identity Sound?
Boss: I found this [correspondence dated a week ago] in my inbox, waiting for my signature. It was Bill Smith’s* estate tax return! Why didn’t you tell me to check my inbox?? There’s all kinds of stuff in there that hasn’t gone out. You have to come up with a way for me to check my inbox more regularly so things like this don’t happen again!
Secretary: Um, ok? Do you want me to set Outlook reminders that you’ll ignore, or would you like to ignore me personally?
900 East Hill Avenue
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: She’s Not Psychic
The Problem Is Living in a Shoe and Not Knowing What to Do
Large lady: You know if you are a Goth, they take your children away.
Old lady: That’s not true! I have ten children, and I wear a lot of black clothing.
North Station Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts
He’s an Art Teacher
Co-Worker: I sent out the class rosters for summer term to all the faculty and got an e‑mail back from one guy wanting to know why he can’t find his name on the list. Because it’s the list of his students! How did he get to be a teacher!?
1400 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: The Temp
Even His Core Constituency Is Turning on Him
Intern: When is Bush’s last term?
Employee: Um, right now. It ends in ’08.
Intern: Good. ‘Cause he’s stupid.
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Is summer over yet?
One Starbucks Holds a Hundred Wongs and One White
Manager: Ok, I don’t mean to sound weird, but…
Receptionist #1: Oh, this is gonna be good.
Manager: I was at Starbucks on the 4th of July, and…it was all Asians! It was an Asian invasion! They were everywhere! I was going to ask if they were having a family reunion. Then someone else walked in the door, and [my 14-year-old daughter] nudged me, and it was another Asian! I’ve told [my daughter], “Ok, you can marry a Muslim! A black! A Jew! Just don’t bring home an Asian!” They travel in packs and take pictures! And they are the worst drivers! Any time you see a bad driver swerving, weaving in and out of lanes? Asian! But, I mean, my tennis partner is Asian, so…
Receptionist #1: Becky*, you’re a racist!
Manager: I’m not a racist…just to Asians!
An Asian client walks in.
Receptionist #2: Hi, Mr. Wong*!
4020 NE 55th Street
Seattle, Washington
He Got an Oscar for Best Posthumous Cross-Dressing Performance
Woman #1: I saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend. It was really good, especially Marlon Brando.
Woman #2: Marlon Brando?
Woman #1: You know, that lady! What’s her name?
Woman #2: Meryl Streep. Marlon Brando is dead. And a man.
245 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Or Maybe Stop By and Start a Fire
Co-Worker #1: I was just over at [your new boss]‘s office, and the first thing I noticed was that it’s really quiet over there!
Co-Worker #2: Oh, I know.
Co-Worker #1: No, really, you’re going to go crazy! It was almost nine o’clock, and nobody was talking! You’ll have to play yourself some music or something.
Co-Worker #2: Yeah.
Co-Worker #1: So I decided what I’ll do is call you sometimes and just yell over the phone!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Hey, I’ve Got Some Straw in the Corner of My Office. Want to Watch it Turn Into Worms?
Co-Worker #1: Do you have to dust your desk all the time with your window shade open?
Co-Worker #2: No, why?
Co-Worker #1: Because of all the sun.
Co-Worker #2: Huh?
Co-Worker #1: Dust comes from sunlight.
4725 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Now He Has to Be Mexican for a Year Before He Can Take It Again
Co-Worker: He was Canadian until he took the test.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Hanna
