Archive for May, 2006

3PM Call Cen­ter

CSR: So then he goes, “This is Mo­toro­la, right? Be­cause with that voice of yours, for a sec­ond there, I thought I called the wrong num­ber” oh, but it did­n’t stop there…he keeps on with “you know, like, a 900 num­ber, right?” I mean, eww…I did not need to know that.

1301 East Al­go­nquin
Schaum­burg, Illi­nois

12PM Lunch

Cowork­er #1: If she had been pay­ing at­ten­tion, she would have caught that.
Cowork­er #2: Does she know to look for it?
Cowork­er #1: No, she does­n’t know enough to look for it. I’m not ready to show her that, yet.

150 Bat­son Dri­ve
Man­ches­ter, Con­necti­cut

10AM Ops Meet­ing

Op­er­a­tions man­ag­er: We have to work on com­mu­ni­ca­tion. We are not com­mu­ni­cat­ing with each oth­er. It’s a fault of every­body’s, not to say it’s a fault, but it is a weak­ness — not just of mine but of every­one’s. Maybe not a weak­ness so much as a fail­ing.

1190 North Del Rio Place
On­tario, Cal­i­for­nia

2PM Per­son­nel Changes

Man­ag­er to de­part­ment head: That guy is a re­al Ein­stein, why did you hire him?
De­part­ment head: I did­n’t hire him, you did. I call him Ein­stein.
Man­ag­er: You gonna fire him?
De­part­ment head: Can’t, you hired him, you got­ta fire him.
Man­ag­er: Hey, Ein­stein! Come here for a minute.

Ein­stein comes up to man­ag­er.

Man­ag­er: Ein­stein, any­one ever tell you that you are sharp as a mar­ble?
Ein­stein: Gee, no, thanks!
Man­ag­er: Ein­stein, you are just too sharp for this job, I have to let you go.
Ein­stein: GEE! Thanks!

12 Oaks Mall
Novi, Michi­gan

11AM Work­ing Re­cep­tion

Obese hill­bil­ly: Yeah, my girl come to get a preg­nan­cy test.
Old­er South­ern la­dy: I see.
Obese hill­bil­ly: I told her if she would just let me go fish­ing more we would­n’t be deal­ing with this shit.

Thomas Coun­ty Health De­part­ment
Thomasville, Geor­gia

3PM Snack Run

Male su­per­vi­sor: Give Janet* one of those choco­late pret­zel things. Be­cause she’s go­ing on va­ca­tion and does­n’t have to fit in­to a bathing suit this week­end.
Janet*, aside: I swear, ran­dom peo­ple have been com­ing up to me all day ask­ing about my sup­posed nude beach trip to Ja­maica.
Male su­per­vi­sor: Let it all hang out, ba­by.

473 Ridge Road
Day­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

10AM Shoot­ing On Lo­ca­tion

Crack­head: I know you… you are that guy from TV.
Ryan Seacrest: Yeah… it’s me
Crack­head: You’re that guy from Fear Fac­tor.
Ryan Seacrest: No… I’m on that oth­er show, Amer­i­can Idol… You might have heard of it?
Crack­head: Look at me… I ain’t got no TV.

6th Street
Austin, Texas