Archive for May, 2006

3PM Call Center

CSR: So then he goes, “This is Motorola, right? Because with that voice of yours, for a second there, I thought I called the wrong number” oh, but it didn’t stop there…he keeps on with “you know, like, a 900 number, right?” I mean, eww…I did not need to know that.

1301 East Algonquin
Schaumburg, Illinois

12PM Lunch

Coworker #1: If she had been paying attention, she would have caught that.
Coworker #2: Does she know to look for it?
Coworker #1: No, she doesn’t know enough to look for it. I’m not ready to show her that, yet.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

10AM Ops Meeting

Operations manager: We have to work on communication. We are not communicating with each other. It’s a fault of everybody’s, not to say it’s a fault, but it is a weakness — not just of mine but of everyone’s. Maybe not a weakness so much as a failing.

1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California

2PM Personnel Changes

Manager to department head: That guy is a real Einstein, why did you hire him?
Department head: I didn’t hire him, you did. I call him Einstein.
Manager: You gonna fire him?
Department head: Can’t, you hired him, you gotta fire him.
Manager: Hey, Einstein! Come here for a minute.

Einstein comes up to manager.

Manager: Einstein, anyone ever tell you that you are sharp as a marble?
Einstein: Gee, no, thanks!
Manager: Einstein, you are just too sharp for this job, I have to let you go.
Einstein: GEE! Thanks!

12 Oaks Mall
Novi, Michigan

12PM Lunch

Food service worker: What type of soda would you like today?
Female customer: Large.
Food service worker: Yes, mam’m. But what type or flavor did you want?
Female customer: I said large.
Food service worker: Yes, ma’am. Diet Coke? Sprite? Coke? What type?
Female customer: Are you fucking stupid or something? Large. A large soda. How many times do I have to tell you?

San Diego Mall Food Court
San Diego, California

11AM Working Reception

Obese hillbilly: Yeah, my girl come to get a pregnancy test.
Older Southern lady: I see.
Obese hillbilly: I told her if she would just let me go fishing more we wouldn’t be dealing with this shit.

Thomas County Health Department
Thomasville, Georgia

3PM Snack Run

Male supervisor: Give Janet* one of those chocolate pretzel things. Because she’s going on vacation and doesn’t have to fit into a bathing suit this weekend.
Janet*, aside: I swear, random people have been coming up to me all day asking about my supposed nude beach trip to Jamaica.
Male supervisor: Let it all hang out, baby.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

10AM Jury Selection

Defense attorney: Good morning prospective ladies and gentlemen — I mean, jurors.

125 East 8th Avenue
Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: the unchosen