Archive for April, 2006

5PM That’s a Wrap

Trim middle-aged President: I just received my soccer badge in the mail.
Young receptionist: I can’t see you playing soccer.
President: I don’t play, I referee.
Receptionist: Still, I can’t see your fat ass waddling up and down the field.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

Overheard by: now I’m going to have to answer the phones again

4PM Calling IT

Worker: There is something wrong with my computer. It is really
slow… I mean really slow. It is like having a conversation with Keanu Reeves.

26 Arrowsmith Road
Hamilton, Ontario

3PM Tea Run

Admin #1: Without extremes, normalcy wouldn’t exist.
Admin #2: Wow, we’re getting heavy now.
Admin #3: Back from tour one day, and you’re already waxing poetic?
Admin #1: Wait, isn’t that what fractals and Jurassic Park are about?
Admin #2 & 3: What?
Admin #1: Extremes, fractals and Jurassic Park. Wasn’t anyone a nerd like me?
Admin #2: Um, no. 

3 Lafayette Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

12PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: Rumor mill is churning… apparently some analysts have happy hour plans from 6–8 at a bar upstairs from Planet Hollywood… $3 drinks. [John], you should be able to afford that after selling all of your earthly possessions except for suit pants and a few white shirts.
[John]: From selling my car I can buy 6,000 beers. So drink drink drink drink chug chug chug.
Co-worker #2: Or you can just buy 3,000 beers and buy us fancy dinner.
[John]: How about 3,000 beers and 3,000 hamsters? It’s only $3.00 apiece from Pavonia Newport mall in Jersey. We’ll use the hamsters to make fur coats… Might be patchy due to the color variation of the hamsters.
Co-worker #2: How about 3,000 beers and 3,000 hamsters, and we’ll make ourselves a hamster farm in the men’s bathroom. Within 2 weeks, 3,000 hamsters will increase exponentially, and once we’re done selling them all, we’ll have more than enough money to buy real fur coats.
Co-worker #1: We could eat the hamsters, too — a good source of protein, also filling yet not too high on the calorie counter. Within six months, we can look like guys in fitness commercials, and mask our self-loathing with biceps and frosty tips.
[John]: Hamsters make good drinking buddies with their itsy weenie beer mugs and blunt humor. Let’s try not to eat them. 

270 Park Avenue
New York, New York