Archive for 2005

1PM Lunch

Co-work­er #1: Make sure you eat some of the left­overs from the potluck.
Co-work­er #2: Okay.
Co-work­er #1: And you’d bet­ter hur­ry be­fore [Nick] and [Sara] get in there and stuff their faces. They give pigs a bad name.

10011 109th Street
Ed­mon­ton, Al­ber­ta

11AM Par­ty Plan­ning

Work­er: So the Christ­mas par­ty is manda­to­ry?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don’t show you’ll prob­a­bly be os­tra­cized.
Work­er: …And I have to sign a waiv­er to drink?
Boss: Do you think a com­pa­ny of lawyers would let every­one drink, then dri­ve, and not cov­er their ass­es?

962 Coro­n­a­do Boule­vard
Uni­ver­sal City, Texas

12PM Fire Drill

As­sis­tant Build­ing Emer­gency Co­or­di­na­tor: Why don’t we have the se­cu­ri­ty of­fi­cers make the evac­u­a­tion an­nounce­ments? They are lo­cat­ed next to the build­ing PA sys­tem.
Man­ag­er: I am not sure they are qual­i­fied and ca­pa­ble of us­ing the mi­cro­phone to make an­nounce­ments.

600 Wilshire Boule­vard
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

11AM Sales Meet­ing

Head of sales: You came to this meet­ing on Mon­day morn­ing and you know I’m go­ing to be ask­ing ques­tions. So even if you don’t know the an­swers, make some shit up. You’re in sales, you have to sell, so make shit up!

1515 Broad­way
New York, NY

10AM Mon­i­tor Calls

Ac­coun­tant on speak­er: Okay, I tried en­ter­ing my pass­word and it did­n’t work.
Tech: I re­set it to “pass­word.”
Ac­coun­tant on speak­er: Okay, let me try my pass­word again.
Tech: Make sure you type “pass­word.”
Ac­coun­tant on speak­er: It did­n’t work again.
Tech: Iou typed far too many let­ters for the word “pass­word.” Did you type in “pass­word” as your pass­word?
Ac­coun­tant on speak­er: Yu nev­er told me to do that.
Tech: So what part of my sen­tance con­fused you: “Type in the word
‘pass­word’ when it asks you for your pass­word”, or “I re­set it for you, your pass­word is now ‘pass­word.’ ”
Ac­coun­tant on speak­er: I have a CPA, don’t talk to me like that.
Tech: I can make up acronyms too. I’ll be in your of­fice in five
min­utes. In the mean­time, pon­der this one: I’m OMGWTF cer­ti­fied.

220 Wood­bine Road
Down­ing­town, Penn­syl­va­nia