Archive for 2005


Co-work­er: How about the soft­ware con­fig­u­ra­tion?
An­a­lyst: Your ques­tions are very an­noy­ing!
Co-work­er: I’m guess­ing you should­n’t tell clients they are an­noy­ing.

8315 Cen­tu­ry Park Court
San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

10AM Call HR

Sec­re­tary: I can’t talk to her any longer. She’s so dis­re­spect­ful.
Boss: …Re­al­ly.
Sec­re­tary: Yes! Can you please talk to her ’cause I’ve had enough.
Boss: Well, since we’ve been ac­quired by the new com­pa­ny, they’re re­al­ly big on that.
Sec­re­tary: Huh?
Boss: You know. Re­spect. It used to be a lot eas­i­er around here.

1775 Broad­way
New York, NY


Su­per­vi­sor: Let me tell you. boy, we’re go­ing to play Ma­rine Corps base­ball here. You play ball with me or I’ll shove the bat up your ass!

550 South Hope Street
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Old­corps 50

5PM Good­night Moon

Co-work­er #1: Why are you sit­ting there star­ring at your mon­i­tor while the com­put­er is off?
Co-work­er #2: Be­cause I re­cieved a serv­er mes­sage stat­ing that it was go­ing to in­stall some­thing on my com­put­er and that I should save every­thing be­fore 15 min­utes are up be­cause the sys­tem will shut down.
Co-work­er #1: Did you save every­thing?
Co-work­er #2: Yes.
Co-work­er #1: Did the com­put­er shut down by it­self?
Co-work­er #2: Yes.
Co-work­er #1: So, why are you sit­ting there star­ring at the mon­i­tor while the com­put­er is off?
Co-work­er #2: I’m wait­ing for the com­put­er to start back up.
Co-work­er #1: Have you pressed the pow­er but­ton?
Co-work­er #2: No.

1000 Jer­ry St. Pe’ High­way
Pascagoula, Mis­sis­sip­pi

2PM For­ward Some Spam

Boss: I think there’s some­thing wrong with my com­put­er! You bet­ter call the help desk.
As­sis­tant: Sure, what’s the prob­lem?
Boss: Well, I logged in­to my com­put­er this morn­ing and I on­ly have 5 emails.
As­sis­tant: …And you usu­al­ly have more.
Boss: Yes, I have at least 50 each morn­ing.
As­sis­tant: The help desk can on­ly fix your com­put­er, not your pop­u­lar­i­ty. Sor­ry.

1775 Broad­way
New York, NY

1PM Run Er­rands

Re­cep­tion­ist: Argh! My arm is so itchy. I’m, like, al­ler­gic to work!
Co-work­er: Stop scratch­ing; you are mak­ing it worse! At lunch, go
and get an an­ti­his­t­a­mine to stop the swelling.
Re­cep­tion­ist: An­ti­his­t­a­mine or an­ti­in­flam­ma­to­ry? I think it’s
in­flamed. What’s the dif­fer­ence any­way?
Co-work­er: An­ti­his­t­a­mine is some­thing that is not his­t­a­mine, and
an­ti­in­flam­ma­to­ry is some­thing that’s not in­flam­ma­to­ry.
Re­cep­tion­ist: So I’ll ask the chemist?

25 Par­ra­mat­ta Road
Un­der­wood, Queens­land

2PM Re­view Can­di­dates

Dis­trict Su­per­vi­sor: Wait, maybe I mis­un­der­stood him, but was he say­ing “Bach­e­lor’s De­gree”?
Re­gion­al Man­ag­er: Ac­tu­al­ly, the words he used were “Bas­tard’s De­gree.”
Dis­trict Su­per­vi­sor: Ha, ha! I thought so but I did­n’t think he could be that ig­no­rant.
Re­gion­al Man­ag­er: Well, he is a re­tard­ed ex-con with per­son­al­i­ty dis­or­ders.
Dis­trict Su­per­vi­sor: Yeah, you’re right.

3651 Cedar­crest Av­enue
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

Over­heard by: Joshua Car­pen­ter