Archive for 2005

4PM Clean Up Re­ports

Project Man­ag­er: We did­n’t know the old sys­tem gen­er­at­ed those re­ports.
CIO: Well, you can’t clean out an old ware­house with­out find­ing a few rat turds in the cor­ner.

655 En­gi­neer­ing Dri­ve
Nor­cross, Geor­gia

3PM At the Wa­ter Cool­er

Pe­on #1: Those Jor­da­ni­ans are re­al­ly teed off.
Pe­on #2: Is that even a word?

9115 Har­ris Cor­ners Park­way
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Boss: Did you hear about the ter­ror­ist at­tacks in Jor­dan?
Sec­re­tary: Um, yes; a sui­cide bomber killed hun­dreds of peo­ple at a wed­ding.
Boss: You see, you should­n’t at­tend so many wed­dings. The odds are against you.

10550 North Tor­rey Pines Road
La Jol­la, Cal­i­for­nia

3PM Rachel’s Birth­day Thing

Boss: Those cup­cakes are de­li­cious. What a sug­ar rush!
In­tern: I broke out in hives.
Boss: In hives?
In­tern: A rash. My skin is very sen­si­tive.
Boss: To sug­ar?
In­tern: Yup.
Boss: That’s amaz­ing.
In­tern: When I was a kid I got sick and I had to have, like, ten X‑rays a day. Lit­er­al­ly, five X‑rays a day. And I think that messed up my pho­tons.
Boss: Your pho­tons?
In­tern: Yeah, that’s how X‑rays work, you know? They re­verse your pho­tons. That’s how they get the im­age.
Boss: Oh.
In­tern: That’s why my skin is so sen­si­tive, be­cause they messed up the pho­tons. They won’t ad­mit it, be­cause they don’t want me to sue them. But I know what’s up.

10 Rock­e­feller Plaza
New York, NY

Over­heard by: pix­elvi­sions

12PM Up­date the [Janet] File

[Janet]: You can drown if you drink too much wa­ter. [Janet]: Sum­mer is my fa­vorite month. [Janet]: Where is Latin? Is­n’t that a coun­try? [Janet]: The fun­ni­est thing I heard to­day, I said it my­self. I said, “You mean John White, the black man?”

Co-work­er #1: I’ve heard about some di­ets that help reg­u­late the acid-base bal­ance in the blood. Is there any va­lid­i­ty in those di­ets?”
Co-work­er #2: I think that your kid­neys help do that.
[Janet]: My equi­lib­ri­um does that.

In­struc­tor: Em­phy­se­ma pa­tients have chron­ic weight loss.
[Janet]: Is that why you gain weight when you quit cig­a­rettes?

2070 North Rivers Busi­ness Cen­ter
Charleston, South Car­oli­na