Archive for 2005

5PM That’s Enough for Me

Em­ploy­ee #1: It’s dis­gust­ing. Some­one left a big pe­ice of shit float­ing in the toi­let.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Speak­ing of shit float­ing, did you hear who got pro­mot­ed?

425 East Wack­er Dri­ve
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Ro­ry Cal­houn

2PM Data­base Test­ing

Work­er #1: So how is the data­base serv­er test go­ing?
Ju­nior Man­ag­er: Great! That new ma­chine is go­ing like gang bangers!
Work­er #2: He, he…“gang bangers”.
Ju­nior Man­ag­er: Damn! You know what I meant.
Work­er #1: Well…I guess they do work pret­ty hard.

13571 Com­merce Park­way
Rich­mond, British Co­lum­bia
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Richard Shoe­horn

2PM In­stall Sprin­klers and As­bestos

Of­fice Clerk #1: Have you no­ticed that there aren’t any ceil­ing sprin­klers in this en­tire build­ing?
Of­fice Clerk #2: Y’­know, you’re right. But there are smoke de­tec­tors.
Of­fice Clerk #1: And those will cer­tain­ly help put out the flames when we’re trapped in our cu­bi­cles.
Su­per­vi­sor: Well…maybe the sprin­klers are above the false ceil­ing.
Em­ploy­ee #1: Oh…so when there is a fire the sprin­klers will soak the ceil­ing tiles which will cause them to fall to the ground and smoth­er the flames?

406 West 34th Street
Kansas City, Mis­souri

1PM Lunch

Boss: Where did that re­port go? I have a meet­ing in less than ten min­utes! Where did you put that report?…I just had it! Why do you keep hid­ing things on me?
Sec­re­tary: Look in your brief­case.
Boss: It’s not in my brief­case! I just looked in it! Why would it be in my brief­case?
Sec­re­tary: Be­cause you just put it in there, dum­b­ass.
Boss: No, I did­n’t! I would know if it’s in my brief­case!
Sec­re­tary: You sure?
Boss: Yes! I’m pos­i­tive! I know it’s not…Oh, here it is.
Sec­re­tary: And where was it…?
Boss: In my brief­case.
Sec­re­tary: Dumbass…go to your meet­ing and stop bug­ging me.
Boss: I have to buy you lunch again, don’t I?
Sec­re­tary: Yep. And don’t even think that Burg­er King is go­ing to cut it this time.

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Over­heard by: mshorty