Archive for the ‘Words’ Category

Would­n’t Stop Dri­ving My Hot Rod Lin­coln

Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the pass­word to see it on­line. So, I need to know how much it is.
Em­ploy­ee: You can’t pay it with­out his au­tho­riza­tion. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t au­tho­rize any­thing, he’s in­car­cer­at­ed.
Em­ploy­ee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obit­u­ary or the death cer­tifi­cate.
Woman: What? He’s in­car­cer­at­ed! [pause] He’s in jail.
Em­ploy­ee: Oh.

Fred­er­ick, Mary­land

Ac­tu­al­ly She De­tails Cars, Pro­fes­sion­al­ly

Ac­count man­ag­er: So I sent you that new job ap­pli­cant. Have fun.
Re­cruiter: I just opened it up. Wow, she com­plete­ly mis­spelled ‘Delaware State.‘
Ac­count man­ag­er: Oh, it gets worse.
Re­cruiter: ‘Sev­en years,’ with an ‘-s!’ And she spelled ‘with’ wrong!
Ac­count man­ag­er: Yep, and she’s a de­tail-ori­ent­ed pro­fes­sion­al.

Trol­ley Square
Wilm­ing­ton, Delaware

Over­heard by: Rhymes with Ba­nana

12PM Up­date Re­sume

Work­er #1: Man, I’m hav­ing a hard time since I’ve had to write about me. Do you have any sug­ges­tions?
Work­er #2: I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to sell my­self.

900 Wash­ing­ton Av­enue
Wa­co, Texas