Employee accompanied by small child: I smashed it on the ground and then I hit it with a chair, and now it feels like it’s on fire. It’s not, but it feels that way.
Small child: (inaudible)
Employee: No, I don’t think any blood’s coming out.
Redmond, Washington
Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I’d probably want to jump him, too.
5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Legal Ho’
Co-worker on phone: “What am I working on?” I’m working on not killing anyone. What’re you working on?
640 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY
HR woman on phone with rep at staffing agency: I will drive over there and I will smack you; and then I will fire you in front of your peers.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anony Mouse
30-something redhead to older male lunch companion: I’m kind of disgusted with my current job in law enforcement. I’m thinking of a career change to either a highly-paid call girl or an assassin.
Older male lunch companion: Well, you’re awesome at sex, and you *do* know how to kill people…
Restaurant
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Middle-aged manager: Whoa! You’re new here!
Young female temp (making copies): Yeah, I just started on Monday, I’m a temp.
Middle-aged manager: Has anyone shown you the dead bodies yet?
Young female temp: Uh, no.
Middle-aged manager: Once the temps realize what creeps we are, they kill us.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: a temp
Patent attorney: The US is like the popular kid in high school. Nobody likes ’em, but you have to appease ’em.
1425 K Street, NW
Washington, DC
Old Australian man trying to flirt with young female barista: Remember back in the old ages when we could burn women at the stake? That was lovely!
Young female barista: Hahaha!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: jerry
Boss: Remember that time I hit you with chicken? Man, that was awesome. I was just glad it didn’t happen your first day, becuase you would have quit or something…I’m still sorry about that, by the way.
Intern: It’s okay. I like getting hit with chicken.
16 W. 19th Street
New York, NY
Sales rep on phone with customer: And then I spanked him and put him back inside. I was so mad at him!
Keene, New Hampshire
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
