Peon to boss looking for the bigger boss: He is not there. He is murdering Mike*.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: has a will
Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category
Then It's a Great Analogy
Financial analyst: This might be a bad analogy, but it's like this: if there's a guy up on the roof of a house and he's throwing babies off, and you just barely catch the first couple of babies, it might mean that's not a very good strategy and what you really need to do is get someone to go up on the roof and get the guy down.
Coworker: You ever notice how whenever you start a sentence that way, a hush falls over the area?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: MPW
From the People Who Brought You NYPD Shoe…
Coworker, examining scratched up phone: Life is rough in my pocket.
Vancouver
Canadia
They Make Me Write on Paper Circles with Blunt Crayons
Cubicle-dweller nearby: I'm really surprised that they gave me these little things with sharp points on them, I'm usually not allowed to have sharp things.
Mission Ridge
Goodlettsville, Tennessee
And That’s How Daddy Lost His Ear
Eight-year-old boy looking at DVD: Carnival.
Father: Read that again.
Eight-year-old boy: Car… Carb… Cannibal.
Father: Yeah, that means ‘meat eater.’
Eight-year-old boy, after pause: Another word for that is ‘carnivore.’
Father: Oh, I guess that actually means, ‘One who eats their own’. [Longer pause] You know, once at a job site I was working at we had a guy who was arrested and taken away for cannibalism… But that wasn’t in America.
Video Store, 5600 Bigger Road
Kettering, Ohio
A Suicide Attempt Is Just a Cry for Help Around the House
Coworker on the phone: Once I stabbed myself in the leg with a knife, and my husband made me a BLT sandwich.
Butler, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Benjamin
When Things Get Dull at Work
Male coworker to another: Do you know anything about making swords?
Florida
Like That Pipe Explosion Scene in Goonies
Scared CSR: Someone just blew up the bathroom!
Marshall Street
Richmond, Virginia
Unless He’s in a Small, Enclosed Space — That’s Where He Does His Suicide and His Hurting
Grunt on phone: I have claustrophobia and am not suicidal. I am not going to hurt anybody.
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: DB
Hot!
Professor: Whoever taught you to write like this should be flogged with your severed writing arm.
Houston, Texas