Chief petty officer: So, you’re saying the reservists can shoot themselves?
Training officer: Yes, but only with supervision.
Barboursville, West Virginia
Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category
Jason Learns of Places Even Worse Than Indianapolis
Busboy: I’m joining the national guard next week. You get lots of tuition for only one weekend a month and two weeks a year.
Manager: Yeah, right. Pick me up a key chain from Baghdad, would you?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
12PM Lunch
Male co-worker #1: Stay away from [Pam]. She knows kickboxing.
Male co-worker #2: So? I know how to run very, very fast.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
Cellhead: Did You Hear What That Guy Said? Ow! Quit It!
Male flight attendant: Okay, folks, one last time — please turn your cell phones off. If the person next to you is talking on their phone, smack ’em! That should teach them. Southwest flight 1911 to Oakland, California Overheard by: Katie
It Was the Best Of Tasks, It Was the Worst Of Tasks
Director, miming painting a wall: This is painting. It's kind of like bitch-slapping.
Adult Film Company
New York
Overheard by: fetishgirl
I Have Some in My Trunk
Fat old creepy guy interrupting three Asian girls: So how old is this guy?
Asian girl #1 (looking awkwardly at friends): 18.
Asian girl #2: Yeah. (laughs) She likes them young.
Fat old creepy guy: Oooh! (pause) You can train him! Get a collar and a leash and a big stick like the ones my kids use to whack their pigs!
Sacramento, California
If You Suggest the Concept Of “Sombrero Fridays” One More Time
Manager: One of these days, I'm gonna stuff you with candy… I'm gonna hang you by your toes and beat you like a piñata. Washington, DC
Eva Braun Waxes Rhapsodic
Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.
225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Am I Next
Can’t Wait ‘Til He Puts on the Darth Vader Mask and Tells the Baby He’s Her Father
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Rapist: Like I'd Bother With Anybody Who Drives a 1992 Honda
Male bartender: Where'd you park?
Female bartender: 12th and Albany.
Male bartender: So far away? Why do you want to be raped?
Los Angeles, California