Co-worker #1: I promise everyone around here really likes you.
Co-worker #2: OK, but you really have to stop punching me in the face.
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category
It’s the Coffee
Guy to friend: It was just like Barney… but with Cubans and machetes.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: sarswolu
Career Tip: Resolve Workplace Conflict With the Running Man Dance
Female secretary #1: I decided I’m not going to golf in the rain anymore.
Female secretary #2: Are you guys going to fight?
Male secretary: No fighting! Only dancing!!
Providence, Rhode Island
Any Excuse to Tell That Story
Nurse: She’s been so much better today. Chatty. She still walks around like this [puts chin to chest], but she came up to me and was like, “How are you today?” I said, “Huh? Oh, I’m fine!” Maybe it’s the Celexa.
Psychiatrist: Actually we’re weaning her off the Celexa. We started her on Effexor.
Nurse: Oh, well, maybe that’s it.
Psychiatrist: She’s only been on it one day. That wouldn’t really be long enough.
Nurse: No, that’s not… Celexa… I think I was taking that when I got into a fight at the airport. You know those guys with the M‑16s? Well, I told this one bitch I was gonna jump over the counter and take her out.
Girl: That was Celexa?
Nurse, smiling: Yeah.
Oregon State Hospital
Salem, Oregon
Not Until the Republicans Take Congress Back, Anyway
Secretary: Nicole is on the phone for you.
Boss: Oh, man!
Secretary: I can get rid of her for you… Not in a mobster kind of way!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
5PM That’s a Wrap
Assistant #1: I want to stab my eyes out. Is that normal?
Assistant #2: Yes.
Assistant #1: Just wanted to make sure.
640 5th Avenue
New York, NY
But They Still Look 17, and That Makes All the Difference
Teacher: You know, now that they are both 18, we can rape them, and it wouldn’t be considered statutory.
2 Stewart Place
Eastchester, New York
Overheard by: Johnnymunz
It’s Basically Like a Cell Phone in Virginia
Office drone #1: I see you’ve got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn’t, in this workaday world?
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Stunned into silence
And Son of Sam Was a Dr. Seuss Character?
Smart girl: Okay, that guy was nice but really kind of creepy.
Girl: Yeah, but he seemed harmless enough.
Smart girl: Sure, but so did Ted Bundy.
Girl: Oh I love that guy!
Smart girl: Wait… what?
Girl: He’s the one on Married with Children, right?
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: glad my gf is the smart one
Send in Jack Bauer!
Dad: Honey, where’s your teddy bear?
3‑year-old girl: Oh, the terrorist are hiding him.
Overlake Hospital
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Nurse says what
