Office chick #1: Hey, I like your shoes. Are they new?
Office chick #2: Thanks. I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t been wearing them.
Office chick #1: They’re kind of low cut.
Office dude: Yeah, I can see a lot of arch. If this was the middle east, I’d totally be raping you right now.
Rancho Cordova, California
Overheard by: Good thing we’re in Cali.
Supervisor: Let me tell you. boy, we’re going to play Marine Corps baseball here. You play ball with me or I’ll shove the bat up your ass!
550 South Hope Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Oldcorps 50
Office guy: It’s for the masonic center, don’t fuck it up.
Office girl: Yeah, I hear they will cut a bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Co-worker: She is just the sweetest dog…except she likes to bite kids in the face.
625 Cherry Street
Columbia, Missouri
Boss to intern: If I have to shoot you, I’m gonna shoot you.
Manhattan, New York
Circulation clerk: I was talking to her about how peaceful it is in here, and now she’s going to go get a knife.
1035 North Treat Avenue
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Volks
Boss to underling: Would you please go next door and politely shoot their dog?
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Anchor: As long as it’s not forced sodomy, it’s okay.
524 West 57th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: News Bunny
Guy on phone with his mom: I think if an axe murderer breaks in, he’ll already have an axe.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
Instructor: Nine times out of ten, if you shoot at something you’re either going to hit it or miss it.
Camp Shelby, Mississippi
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
