Female boss to two employees: Okay, we really need to get you both on health insurance because (pointing at slutty employee) you're gonna get knocked up and (pointing at other) you're gonna squash your melon somehow.
Aspen, Colorado
Overheard by: wah wah wahhhh
Husband: They have fajitas.
Wife: I don’t like ordering Mexican food from non-Mexican restaurants.
Husband: You don’t like anything.
Wife: I like lots of things!
Husband: Liar!
Wife, after repeatedly hitting husband with menu: I liked that!
TGIFriday’s
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Employee accompanied by small child: I smashed it on the ground and then I hit it with a chair, and now it feels like it's on fire. It's not, but it feels that way.
Small child: (inaudible)
Employee: No, I don't think any blood's coming out.
Redmond, Washington
Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I’d probably want to jump him, too.
5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Legal Ho’
Co-worker on phone: “What am I working on?” I’m working on not killing anyone. What’re you working on?
640 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY
HR woman on phone with rep at staffing agency: I will drive over there and I will smack you; and then I will fire you in front of your peers.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anony Mouse
30-something redhead to older male lunch companion: I'm kind of disgusted with my current job in law enforcement. I'm thinking of a career change to either a highly-paid call girl or an assassin.
Older male lunch companion: Well, you're awesome at sex, and you *do* know how to kill people…
Restaurant
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Middle-aged manager: Whoa! You're new here!
Young female temp (making copies): Yeah, I just started on Monday, I'm a temp.
Middle-aged manager: Has anyone shown you the dead bodies yet?
Young female temp: Uh, no.
Middle-aged manager: Once the temps realize what creeps we are, they kill us.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: a temp
Patent attorney: The US is like the popular kid in high school. Nobody likes ’em, but you have to appease ’em.
1425 K Street, NW
Washington, DC
Old Australian man trying to flirt with young female barista: Remember back in the old ages when we could burn women at the stake? That was lovely!
Young female barista: Hahaha!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: jerry