Boss: I went on a date with this guy, and he showed up with the most hideous, tacky tie on. So I just said, ‘That tie is so tacky’ and made him take it off and threw it into the nearest trash can. He thinks I’m so mean, but I’m telling you, he loves it.
171 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Grace Aldridge
Woman on phone to cable company: Okay. Hey, hold on a sec. (yells into the phone) Don’t go meet him, he’s gonna stab you! I know he stabbed your brother, that’s why I think he’s gonna stab you too! (pause) Fine! if you want to get stabbed don’t come crying to me. Just make sure you bring your phone so you can call 911, okay? Sorry about that…now what do I do next?
Call center rep: Uhh, I think I need to report this call.
Woman: Why?
Time Warner Call Center
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dani
Attorney: Maybe we’ll get lucky and there’ll be a murder.
County courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
Orientation presenter: In all the code fives I’ve responded to over the years, there’s only been one that involved a weapon. But if you hear “code five lobby” announced overhead, and then you hear shots fired, don’t go into the lobby!
Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon
Overheard by: Naomi
Co-worker #1: I promise everyone around here really likes you.
Co-worker #2: OK, but you really have to stop punching me in the face.
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Guy to friend: It was just like Barney… but with Cubans and machetes.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: sarswolu
Female secretary #1: I decided I’m not going to golf in the rain anymore.
Female secretary #2: Are you guys going to fight?
Male secretary: No fighting! Only dancing!!
Providence, Rhode Island
Nurse: She’s been so much better today. Chatty. She still walks around like this [puts chin to chest], but she came up to me and was like, “How are you today?” I said, “Huh? Oh, I’m fine!” Maybe it’s the Celexa.
Psychiatrist: Actually we’re weaning her off the Celexa. We started her on Effexor.
Nurse: Oh, well, maybe that’s it.
Psychiatrist: She’s only been on it one day. That wouldn’t really be long enough.
Nurse: No, that’s not… Celexa… I think I was taking that when I got into a fight at the airport. You know those guys with the M‑16s? Well, I told this one bitch I was gonna jump over the counter and take her out.
Girl: That was Celexa?
Nurse, smiling: Yeah.
Oregon State Hospital
Salem, Oregon
Secretary: Nicole is on the phone for you.
Boss: Oh, man!
Secretary: I can get rid of her for you… Not in a mobster kind of way!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Assistant #1: I want to stab my eyes out. Is that normal?
Assistant #2: Yes.
Assistant #1: Just wanted to make sure.
640 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
