Woman #1: I’m pregnant again.
Woman #2: On purpose?
Woman #3, sighing: I need a rest from all these ass-wipes that work here. I need a little hospital- and daytime TV R and R.
Montvale, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Vacation’ Category
Exactly the Kind of Dirty Work You Avoid on Vacation
Woman #1: How was your vacation?
Woman #2: Great!
Woman #3: You look great! Did you have fun?
Woman #2: Lots of sex, no kids, and lots of beach time.
Woman #1: You have sex on vacation?
Bergen, New Jersey
If It Involves Your Bunions Again, I’m Hanging Up.
Coworker on phone: Ma’am, are you an owner with Melvin? I can’t help you if you’re not an owner with Melvin. Again, ma’am, I can’t help you if you’re not an owner with Melvin. We didn’t even book your vaca…okay, fine. Tell me your little story.
Redmond, Washington
One Way to Keep Them Quiet
Office lady #1: I’m going to a sleep-away camp for ten-year-olds this weekend.
Office lady #2: Well, at least there will be alcohol.
1 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: sarcastro
Also, I Was Marking My Territory.
Boss: I don’t mean to piss on your snow cone, but taking a vacation day the Friday before Labor Day weekend is a no-go!
Portland, Oregon
And I’m Running Out Of Similes
Coworker: Man, I’ve been using vacation time like a wounded duck.
Titusvile, Florida
Overheard by: Hoss
10AM Finalize Vacations
Co-worker #1: Where’s [Kate]?
Co-worker #2: She’s off all week.
Co-worker #1: I’m off Wed through Fri. What are you off?
Co-worker #3: Her rocker.
7000 Cardinal Place
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Thenodrin
The Jesuits Transfer the Smell to Another Diocese
Tour group mom #1, in stall: Isn’t this bathroom gorgeous?
Tour group mom #2, also in stall: Yes! I was just thinking that!
Tour group mom #1: The floor is so pretty!
Tour group mom #2: And it doesn’t smell, which is sooo impressive.
Loyola University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Dean’s Admin
4PM Call Client (Again!)
Co-worker #1: Are you okay?
Co-worker #2: I’m okay. But if I could slap people through the phone, others wouldn’t be okay.
515 North State Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Peter Gibbons
Work-Related, I Hasten to Add
CEO, during meeting: Okay, that will wrap it up. Does anyone have anything else?
Manager: I just want everyone to know that I won’t be around this weekend because my ex-wife told the kids they won’t be having any fun this summer because she doesn’t have any money. I am going to pick them up and try and let them have fun. So if you need me I won’t be around.
(all room is silent)
CEO: Okay, then does anyone have anything else today?
Manhattan, New York
