Then We Give It to the Clients, and It’s a Hap­py End­ing for Every­one

Da­ta geek #1: Do they mas­sage the da­ta be­fore they give it the clients?
Da­ta geek #2: Oh, we mas­sage it like it’s Kobe beef.

Salt Lake City, Utah

…Even If Many Of Them Are Cold Bitch­es.

Cool of­fice guy: So do you do a lot of ski­ing?
Typ­i­cal of­fice work­er: Oh, yeah.
Cool of­fice guy: Yeah, you look like the type.
Typ­i­cal of­fice work­er: Huh… Thanks?
Cool of­fice guy: Oh, yeah. It’s cool. I love skiers and snow­board­ers.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Over­heard by: Tim

Can I at Least Steal Of­fice Sup­plies?

In­ter­view­er: Are you com­fort­able with the salary for this po­si­tion?
In­ter­vie­wee: Well, not re­al­ly, but since I don’t cur­rent­ly have a job, I guess it’ll have to be okay.

Salt Lake City, Utah

Are You Say­ing You Don’t Ap­pre­ci­ate the Tu­tu?

Male pro­gram man­ag­er to an­oth­er: Well, it’s bet­ter than imag­in­ing you in span­dex!
Cowork­er in next cu­bi­cle: At least it’s not a thong.

Utah

Over­heard by: Snick­er­ing In­tern

Is That Like Did­dy’s White Par­ty?

En­gi­neer #1: What is tak­ing her so long?
En­gi­neer #2: We’re starv­ing in here!
En­gi­neer #1: Ya! Has­n’t she ever heard of the Don­ner Par­ty?!

Utah

The Mor­mon Con­ver­sion Process Is Ex­treme­ly Rig­or­ous

Part­ner #1: So how was it?
Part­ner #2: Ugh… long, hot, sticky.
Part­ner #1: Hm. What’d they make you do?

Salt Lake City, Utah

Com­plete­ly Missed the Point of the Work­place Vi­o­lence Train­ing

Cowork­er #1, wield­ing a let­ter open­er: C’­mon, it is­n’t that sharp.
Cowork­er #2: Still, in a fist-fight I’d pick it over bare fists.
Cowork­er #1, mak­ing a stab­bing mo­tion: Yeah!

3550 North Uni­ver­si­ty Av­enue
Pro­vo, Utah

Over­heard by: Am­bigu­ous An­tecedent

Last Time We Tried That, We Wound Up with Our Heads Glued To­geth­er!

En­gi­neer #1: So, Tom*, I’m go­ing to need you to get me up to date on all of these projects be­fore you leave.
En­gi­neer #2: Yes, I think a Vul­can mind meld is the best op­tion.

Hill Field, Utah

Over­heard by: Snick­er­ing In­tern

As Though Win­nie the Pooh’s “Hon­ey Pot” Weren’t Dirty Enough

Old la­dy to friend: I don’t know who Madon­na thinks she is writ­ing chil­dren’s books. She’s still a slut.

Wash­ing­ton, Utah

Over­heard by: Nick West

He Spells ‘Fox­trot’ with a ‘Ph’

Em­ploy­ee: Thanks for call­ing iTrans­act, can I help you?
Cus­tomer: Yes, I’d like to can­cel my ac­count, please.
Em­ploy­ee: No prob­lem, sir. Can I have your name, please?
Cus­tomer: Yes, it’s ‘Frank.’ That’s ‘F’ as in ‘Frank,’ R‑A-N‑K.

Farm­ing­ton, Utah