Archive for the ‘United States’ Category

Or Sticking It Up Your Nose

Sales guy: Oh, crap! I left the cap off my Sharpie last night! [Tries it on paper] Oh, no! What can I do?!
Cube rat #1: Well, you could try running a little water over the tip. Or, um, you could just throw it away and get a new one.
Sales guy: Put some water on it? Would that work?
Cube rat #2: Is it a Sharpie or a marker?
Cube rat #3: If putting water on it doesn’t work, try licking it.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Like All the Terrorists Have Agreed to Do

Older gentleman at counter: So, if my application is approved for the remote entry program, I can enter the U.S. after hours?
Customs officer: Yes, sir.
Older gentleman: But what’s with this border passport requirement?
Customs officer, uncomfortable: The remote entry pass is for when the port is closed, sir. You will still need a passport to enter when we are open.

Customs office, Northern Border

You Always Take a Weird Exit off the Conversation Highway

Bible-thumping coworker: It’s my son’s 35th birthday today. I can’t believe my oldest is going to be 35.
Normal coworker: Oh? How many children do you have?
Bible-thumping coworker: Let’s see… I have three biological and one spiritual. But we’re much more than spiritual, really. It’s like we have this connection.
Normal coworker, to herself: Riiiiight.

100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio