Archive for the ‘UK’ Category

Stingy and Bel­liger­ent, Eh? Why Not Put on Your Kilt While You’re at It

Work­er: *Liam was great, I did­n’t want any fuck­ing sym­pa­thy and he just got on it with it. I hat­ed my fuck­ing fa­ther any­way.
Co-work­er: Good.
Work­er: I mean I on­ly went to his fuck­ing fu­ner­al to make sure the cunt was dead… And to spit on his grave. You know? But *Alan got two and a half days for his fuck­ing moth­er in law.
Co-work­er: Yeah?
Work­er: Yeah. I mean I hat­ed the bas­tard but I still get my three days right?
Co-work­er: Right.

DWP
Bath­gate
Scot­land

Who Was That, by the Way?

Suit #1: Good morn­ing, pal!
Suit #2: I’m not your pal…
Suit #1: Well, sure you are, bud­dy!
Suit #2: Look, my day would be far less painful if you’d stop re­fer­ring to me us­ing syn­onyms of “friend.” M’kay?
Suit #1: Sure thing, friend!
(Suit #2 storms out)
Suit #3: That’s a new record…fifteen sec­onds!

Bank
Glas­gow
Scot­land

10AM Team Meet­ing

Man­ag­er: We will have a meet­ing lat­er on to make sure every­one is hap­py.
Em­ploy­ee: But to­day is [Kelly]‘s turn to be hap­py, not mine…I can pre­tend to be hap­py.

8 The Grove
Slough, Berk­shire
UK

Why Edith Re­ceived a Dis­charge.

Old­er fe­male col­league #1: Hey, here’s the prizes you won in the raf­fle the oth­er night.
Old­er fe­male col­league #2: Oh, thanks. Do you want to keep the bub­ble bath?
Old­er fe­male col­league #1, not both­er­ing to low­er her voice: Oh. No, thanks. It makes me itch down be­low.
Old­er fe­male col­league #2: Oh. (pause) I see.

St. Pe­ter Port
Guernsey

Over­heard by: A sim­ple

5PM See You Then!

As­sis­tant: What year is it now?
Man­ag­er: 2005
As­sis­tant : Still? Okay! It’s so easy to for­get what year it is, is­n’t it?
Man­ag­er: Not re­al­ly.
As­sis­tant: So it’s 2006 in–
Man­ag­er: Jan­u­ary 1st!

Com­mer­cial Road
Hull, East York­shire
UK

Over­heard by: Si­mon Green