Needless to Say, the White one is Whole Foods

Classmate #1: I’m gonna shave your head and sell your hair on the black market!
Classmate #2: Why would black people want his hair?
Classmate #3, after laughter subsides: Where is the black market, anyway?

Mt. Vernon High School
Mt. Vernon, Texas

Do You Really Think Colonel Mustard Would Do That?

Assistant editor: She said she’s going to come over and hit you in the head with a pretzel.

1633 Broadway
New York, New York

Someone Had to Tell the CEO

Woman across the hall: You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail.

3811 O’Hara Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

The Perils of Hiring 12-Year-Olds

Receptionist shouting down hallway: Stop talking about me, Cindy*! I can hear you talking about me!
Cindy: [Keeps talking.]Receptionist: [Rings Cindy.]Cindy: Hello?
Receptionist: Stop talking about me — I can hear you talking about me!
Cindy: Who is this?

Douglas Street
Milton
Australia

Overheard by: Supaflyrocksta

Sheriff, Any Idea Why This Boy Would Brutally Murder His Mother?

Baby mama to friend: These little boy clothes is so cute! If I have a boy I am going to name him D’jon, ’cause I love mustard!

Baby Gap
Towson, Maryland

Hot!

Professor: Whoever taught you to write like this should be flogged with your severed writing arm.

Houston, Texas

He Likes to Be on Top

Cube rat: Are you threatening my life?!
Female drone: No! I am threatening your position in this office!

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

So Drive Around That Girl Scout Troop

Photographer: Well, you don't want to get blood all over your car…

Newspaper
Delaware

PETA May Have Gone Too Far This Time

Bimbette coworker: They’re gonna skin your mother-in-law and give it to a zebra!

860 Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

10AM Contact Miami Offices

Senior Manager: [Justine] just asked me if you heard from the Miami system about the problem we had on Friday afternoon.
Manager: No. They were preparing for Wilma to hit them…oh, about now.

1400 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania