Archive for the ‘The Military’ Category

4PM Smoke Break

Soldier #3 has a glass eye. It is out of his head and lying on the desk. Soldier #1: Hey [John], let’s go have a smoke.
Soldier #2: Alright. [Places cigarette in mouth and walks toward door.]
Soldier #3: Hey dumbass, you’re inside! Get that fuckin’ cigarette out of your mouth!
Soldier #2: Hey Blackbeard, get a fuckin’ eye in your head! Building 2411-B
Fort Eustis, Virginia Overheard by: SGT Grier

3PM Scientific Inquiry

Sergeant: But seriously, what would happen if the sun turned off?
Soldier: Well, you’d still have like, millions of years while the thing cooled off.
Sergeant: Naw, f*** that, like what if God threw a circuit breaker? Lieutenant walks in Soldier: Hey LT, you ran a nuclear plant before you came in the service, right? What would happen if someone popped the circuit breaker on the sun right now? Lieutenant has a pained expression on his face. Sergeant: Seriously, we’re not gonna let this go until we have an answer from a reputable source.
Soldier: We could go on like this for the rest of the deployment.
Lieutenant: Alright guys, it’s like this… […2 hours of nuclear physics, relative theory, thermal conductivity of the Earth’s
mantle and crust, and every crackpot theory to counter the former three…] Soldier:…man, I’m never asking LT another question, ever.
Lieutenant: Good, ’cause I wasn’t gonna answer it anyway. Mozul Airfield
Iraq Overheard by: Bobby

11AM Installation

Soldier #1 is walking around slapping people on the ass with a length of stainless steel hydraulic line. *swat!* Soldier #1: You like that, dontcha bitch? You want some more?
Soldier #2: Oh yeah, give it to me papi! *loud swat* Soldier #2: OW!! [brief pause] Yeah, that was good…
Soldier #1: You want another one?
Soldier #2: Not yet, papi, I gotta go get the Crisco and rub it on my ass first.
Soldier #1: You have 5 minutes. Bldg 2411-B
Fortt Eustis, Virginia Overheard by: Jason Grier