Customer: I need to get a dozen and a half, mixed.
Clerk, counting on her day-glo orange fingernails: It’d be cheaper if you got 18.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Clerk: ten cents.
Smirking customer: Ok, I’ll take 18.
Dunkin’ Donuts
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: are u kidding me?
Guy employee: So I read in the news today that drinking from Nalgene bottles while you’re pregnant may cause a miscarriage.
Girl employee: Oh my gosh! My best friend just had a miscarriage, and she drinks from a Nalgene bottle all the time!
Guy employee: See?
Tully’s Coffee, Union Station
Seattle, Washington
Coworker at bar: Shit, a degree doesn’t mean anything! I’m dumber than a box of rocks and I have a degree!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Girl #1: There is so much secondhand smoke here that it’s going to kill us eventually.
Girl #2: That’s for sure!
Girl #1: It’s okay, though. I have life insurance.
Local bar
Burlington, North Carolina
Overheard by: Bartender Snickering Nearby
Guy behind counter: I have a fetish for pre-creased items.
Café Boulange
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Lady peon: Oh my god, last night I saw the most confusingest movie ever.
Barnie’s Coffee and Tea
Jupiter, Florida
Overheard by: Bored Coffee Girl
Obese woman on mobility scooter, scowling: Whatever happened to rational soups?
Employee cafeteria
Salisbury, Maryland
Overheard by: minnie stronie
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist