Boss: Did you have a computer ethics class in college?
Programmer: [Scoffs] There is no ethics, it’s a computer.
10 Salt Creek Lane
Hinsdale, Illinois
Overheard by: Bill Dwyer
Archive for the ‘Tech People’ Category
4PM Scan PC
Tech: Oh crap, I’ve been infected by Google.
30833 Northwestern Highway
Farmington Hills, Michigan
Um, I'm Not That Kind Of Programmer
IT guy to another, about version 2.0 of the website: Is this the final solution?
Bethesa, Maryland
Overheard by: uncomfortable cube dweller
4PM QA
User: I don’t want a customer to be able to login and they might guess that their password is “welcome.”
Tech: We can change it to, let’s say, “monkey123.”
User: Well, what if they guess “monkey123”?
4 Columbus Circle
New York, NY
IT Guys Are More Likely to Beat You With a Memory Stick
Older IT guy: I live by the rule of thumb: “If the stick's not bigger than your thumb, you can beat 'em with it!” (laughs) Okay, now, go to your sent box…
Sparks, Maryland
Overheard by: Operator
Welcome to The Office
Boss: From now on, people, we’re going to make Perfection our baseline.
The development team laughs.
Developer: Dude, whatever the fuck you’ve been reading, stop it.
1 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
Like the Difference Between Methodists and Baptists
IT minion, about boss: He started talking to me about Star Trek. I don't know why he thought I'd want to talk about that. I was wearing my Star Wars shirt. I mean, different universe!
Boston, Massachusetts
Though I Could Also Picture David Duchovny Saying It
New partner, opening mail: Oh, it's my gold card. Wonder what's the difference between this and a regular Amex.
Smart-ass IT guy: Well, it creates a gravitational anomaly when you whip it out in high-end restaurants, causing all the girls' panties to hit the floor.
New partner: I could have asked a thousand people that question, only you would have given that answer.
Winnipeg
Canadia
2PM Back from Site Visit
Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Upon Request, I Also Poop Rainbows
Female tech: I have the funniest hiccups. They sound like kittens!
Boss: If you say so.
McComb, Mississippi