Boss to web developer: Didn’t we do that site for… For… Ugh… You know… Dick bag motherfucker…
Web developer: Um… No… I don’t remember doing anything for Dick Bag motherfucker.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Tech People’ Category
Not Even Pills Can Deliver That.
Female peon: I want to wear flats… I mean, my doctor promised me three more inches…
IT guy: Mine too.
Manhattan, New York
12PM Work on Database
Coder #1: I liked the fix you did on that bug.
Coder #2: When in doubt, just take away access from the user. It’s a fascist approach, but I swear by it.
Coder #1: Right…
141 West 28th Street
New York, NY
Learn to See Delay as a Gift of Time
Tech: Are you all set on the pdf server now?
Client: Yes, I think so. Is it supposed to be so fugging slow uploading pdfs onto the ftp site?
Tech: Yup! That’s a feature.
Client: Neat. Thanks.
111 South 1st Avenue
Wausau, Wisconsin
1PM Lunch
Tech: I am a guacamole of knowledge into which you may dip the nacho of need.
105 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Psh, You Threaten That at Least Five Times a Day.
Boss: Hey, maybe we should launch this as an app.
Developer #1 to #2: What is he talking about?
Developer #2: I dunno, that guy’s a fool!
Boss to developer #2: I will step on your throat!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: David
…Why’s Everyone Giggling at Us?
Oblivious programmer #1, discussing lunch: It’s good… It’s very, very soft.
Oblivious programmer #2: It’s all about everything. It’s about the sauce.
Oblivious programmer #1: It’s my first time. It could be the last time.
Westwood, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I love work
1PM System Overload
CSR on phone: Help desk, this is James*.
[pause]
CSR: I am sorry, this is the PC and phone help desk. Sounds like you need the facilities help desk if a toilet is stopped up.
[pause]
CSR: Okay sir, I understand, but you need facilites, not the help desk.
[long pause]
CSR: Okay, is it a Windows toilet or a Unix toilet?
Customer, now on speakerphone: Well, there are no windows in this bathroom, so I guess it must be a Unix toilet.
CSR: Okay, I will get a Unix toilet specialist there as soon as we can. Which building and bathroom is it?
[pause]
CSR: Thanks.
[CSR hangs up]
CSR back on phone: Hello, facilities? This is James at the PC help desk. Yeah, I have a doozy for you…try not to laugh…
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
On the Plus Side, It’s Like an EZ Pass to Paternity Suits
Crime scene tech, teaching a class: No, semen doesn’t last. The sperm do. It’s really hard to get rid of them, even after a few days. It’s those tough little heads. You could put the clothes in the laundry and still find some. So…sorry ladies.
Las Vegas Street
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Unlike These Ammunition Rounds, Which Are Totally Still Live
X‑ray machine attendant, picking stuffed panda up off belt: This one’s dead… He didn’t make it through the machine.
Airport
Los Angeles, California
