Woman to group: Do you any of you know Sally*?
Group members, shaking heads: No
Woman: Just as well, she just quit.
St. Paul, Minnesota
Archive for the ‘Strangers’ Category
Technically, She’s Also My Aunt.
Judge: You’ve been charged with violation of section […] of the city code: having an open bottle of alcohol in public. How old are you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Eighteen.
Judge: Does anyone else live in your household with you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah, my girlfriend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girlfriend?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Thirty-eight.
Judge: Thirty-eight? How long have you two been living together?
Dirty, shirtless white man: About seven years.
Judge: You’re 18 and you and this woman have been living together for seven years??
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirtless white man: I have no money, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on November 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He’s got enough problems.
City Court
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Apparently “Make Stuffing” Is an Arcane Insult in North Carolina
(scientist gets in a packed elevator)
Scientist: I can’t believe it’s this busy the day before Thanksgiving.
Secretary: Surprisingly.
Scientist: I said: “I can’t believe it’s this busy!” It’s the day before Thanksgiving!
Tech: It’s actually two days from Thanksgiving.
Scientist: I’m going to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the family!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuffing with it, save time.
(scientist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That wasn’t nice.
Suit: He farted while in an elevator, I don’t care.
Extremely Small Elevator
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
You Call This a Gay Bar?
Stranger at urinal, before storming out of the bathroom: They don’t play enough Cher, that’s what blows!
Melville, New York
No, He’s Reading Too Loud
Children’s librarian: Do you mind?
Chick with breast exposed, nursing her baby: I’m sorry, is he sucking too loud?
York County Library
Rock Hill, South Carolina
617–861-3962
Businessman: Can I get a decaf cappuccino?
Waiter: Actually, we only have regular cappuccino here.
Businessman: Okay, I’ll have one of those, just give me your phone number so I have somebody to talk to when I can’t sleep tonight.
State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
I’m Also a Little Unclear on This ‘Hat’ Concept
Woman: My boyfriend wants the Florida Marlins hat with the swordfish through the ‘F.’
Man: You mean the marlin through the ‘F’?
Woman: What’s a marlin?
Charlestown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Taylor
Oh Look, Now I’ve Broken a Nail!
Young mother pushing baby carriage to old woman holding door for her: Oh, thanks. I think about how hard it must be for people in wheelchairs, but I think this is worse, because I always have so much to carry.
Kent, Ohio
Overheard by: elizabetz
I’m Gonna Say Courtney Love, But That’s Just a Shot in the Dark
Girl caller: Hi, I want to report a woman lying facedown in the road.
Police receptionist: What does she look like?
Rosemead, California
As All Brooklyn Welfare Mothers Know, Nails Are More Important than Parenting
Ghetto woman: I’m only here because I got a gift certificate. I hate Manhattan. I never come here. I can’t stand it. Everyone is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would never be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these people.
Nail technician: Where do you work?
Ghetto woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the county.
Nail technician: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghetto woman: Brooklyn. Tommy! Sit still in that chair for godsakes!!
14th St & 6th Ave
New York City
Overheard by: seriously?
