20-something blonde in crowded elevator: I keep doing weird things with my butt.
New York City, New York
Archive for the ‘Strangers’ Category
The Thin Line between Clean and Dirty
Italian musician in broken English: Excuse… Can you… wash… my instrument?
Agent: What?
Italian roadie: He wants to know if you have a cloth to clean his instrument.
Agent: Oh. Oh. Okay. God, I almost just smacked him!
Italian musician: Wash my instrument now?
Vienna
Austria
5PM That’s a Wrap
Guy in elevator: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and say, “You have no personal power!”
200 Varick Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Eve’s droppings
Disingenuousness Is Part Of My Professional Persona
Receptionist, on phone: Ocean View* Escrow
Processor: Darlene* please.
Receptionist: She’s on the other line. Would you like to hold?
Processor: I’d love to.
Receptionist: Really?
Processor: Not big on sarcasm, are you?
1950 Sawtelle Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Matt
Psst– That’s a “No”
40-something guy: So are you working now?
Recent college grad, buying beer: What do you mean?
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: An employee who knows what ‘work’ means b/c of these people
No, That’s Question #15
Nurse, pointing to birth control questionnaire: Ma’am, I think you answered this question incorrectly.
15-year-old girl: No, that’s right.
Nurse: It asks how long you’ve been with your current partner. You said five minutes.
15-year-old girl: That’s how long it took.
616 Court Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Vicky
Someone Had to Tell the CEO
Woman across the hall: You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail. You’re going to jail.
3811 O’Hara Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
He’s Good at Receiving Info, Not Sending It
Receptionist guy: Ohhh, it’s in the park!
Guest: Huh?
Receptionist guy: I’m addressing myself. I just chose you as the object I’m projecting upon.
454 W. 16th Street
New York, NY
In Which It Is Questioned Whether It IS Better to Have Loved and Lost
Woman to group: Do you any of you know Sally*?
Group members, shaking heads: No
Woman: Just as well, she just quit.
St. Paul, Minnesota
Technically, She’s Also My Aunt.
Judge: You’ve been charged with violation of section […] of the city code: having an open bottle of alcohol in public. How old are you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Eighteen.
Judge: Does anyone else live in your household with you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah, my girlfriend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girlfriend?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Thirty-eight.
Judge: Thirty-eight? How long have you two been living together?
Dirty, shirtless white man: About seven years.
Judge: You’re 18 and you and this woman have been living together for seven years??
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirtless white man: I have no money, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on November 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He’s got enough problems.
City Court
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
