Archive for the ‘Strangers’ Category

Tech­ni­cal­ly, She’s Al­so My Aunt.

Judge: You’ve been charged with vi­o­la­tion of sec­tion […] of the city code: hav­ing an open bot­tle of al­co­hol in pub­lic. How old are you?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Eigh­teen.
Judge: Does any­one else live in your house­hold with you?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Yeah, my girl­friend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girl­friend?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Thir­ty-eight.
Judge: Thir­ty-eight? How long have you two been liv­ing to­geth­er?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: About sev­en years.
Judge: You’re 18 and you and this woman have been liv­ing to­geth­er for sev­en years??
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: I have no mon­ey, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on No­vem­ber 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He’s got enough prob­lems.

City Court
Long Beach, New York

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Ap­par­ent­ly “Make Stuff­ing” Is an Ar­cane In­sult in North Car­oli­na

(sci­en­tist gets in a packed el­e­va­tor)
Sci­en­tist: I can’t be­lieve it’s this busy the day be­fore Thanks­giv­ing.
Sec­re­tary: Sur­pris­ing­ly.
Sci­en­tist: I said: “I can’t be­lieve it’s this busy!” It’s the day be­fore Thanks­giv­ing!
Tech: It’s ac­tu­al­ly two days from Thanks­giv­ing.
Sci­en­tist: I’m go­ing to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the fam­i­ly!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuff­ing with it, save time.
(sci­en­tist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That was­n’t nice.
Suit: He fart­ed while in an el­e­va­tor, I don’t care.

Ex­treme­ly Small El­e­va­tor
Re­search Tri­an­gle Park, North Car­oli­na


Busi­ness­man: Can I get a de­caf cap­puc­ci­no?
Wait­er: Ac­tu­al­ly, we on­ly have reg­u­lar cap­puc­ci­no here.
Busi­ness­man: Okay, I’ll have one of those, just give me your phone num­ber so I have some­body to talk to when I can’t sleep tonight.

State Street
Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

As All Brook­lyn Wel­fare Moth­ers Know, Nails Are More Im­por­tant than Par­ent­ing

Ghet­to woman: I’m on­ly here be­cause I got a gift cer­tifi­cate. I hate Man­hat­tan. I nev­er come here. I can’t stand it. Every­one is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would nev­er be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these peo­ple.
Nail tech­ni­cian: Where do you work?
Ghet­to woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the coun­ty.
Nail tech­ni­cian: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghet­to woman: Brook­lyn. Tom­my! Sit still in that chair for god­sakes!!

14th St & 6th Ave
New York City

Over­heard by: se­ri­ous­ly?