Archive for the ‘Strangers’ Category

Disin­gen­u­ous­ness Is Part Of My Pro­fes­sion­al Per­sona

Re­cep­tion­ist, on phone: Ocean View* Es­crow
Proces­sor: Dar­lene* please.
Re­cep­tion­ist: She’s on the oth­er line. Would you like to hold?
Proces­sor: I’d love to.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Re­al­ly?
Proces­sor: Not big on sar­casm, are you?

1950 Sawtelle Boule­vard
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Matt

No, That’s Ques­tion #15

Nurse, point­ing to birth con­trol ques­tion­naire: Ma’am, I think you an­swered this ques­tion in­cor­rect­ly.
15-year-old girl: No, that’s right.
Nurse: It asks how long you’ve been with your cur­rent part­ner. You said five min­utes.
15-year-old girl: That’s how long it took.

616 Court Street
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Vicky

The Thin Line be­tween Clean and Dirty

Ital­ian mu­si­cian in bro­ken Eng­lish: Ex­cuse… Can you… wash… my in­stru­ment?
Agent: What?
Ital­ian road­ie: He wants to know if you have a cloth to clean his in­stru­ment.
Agent: Oh. Oh. Okay. God, I al­most just smacked him!
Ital­ian mu­si­cian: Wash my in­stru­ment now?

Vi­en­na
Aus­tria

Tech­ni­cal­ly, She’s Al­so My Aunt.

Judge: You’ve been charged with vi­o­la­tion of sec­tion […] of the city code: hav­ing an open bot­tle of al­co­hol in pub­lic. How old are you?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Eigh­teen.
Judge: Does any­one else live in your house­hold with you?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Yeah, my girl­friend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girl­friend?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Thir­ty-eight.
Judge: Thir­ty-eight? How long have you two been liv­ing to­geth­er?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: About sev­en years.
Judge: You’re 18 and you and this woman have been liv­ing to­geth­er for sev­en years??
Dirty, shirt­less white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirt­less white man: I have no mon­ey, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on No­vem­ber 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He’s got enough prob­lems.

City Court
Long Beach, New York

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Ap­par­ent­ly “Make Stuff­ing” Is an Ar­cane In­sult in North Car­oli­na

(sci­en­tist gets in a packed el­e­va­tor)
Sci­en­tist: I can’t be­lieve it’s this busy the day be­fore Thanks­giv­ing.
Sec­re­tary: Sur­pris­ing­ly.
Sci­en­tist: I said: “I can’t be­lieve it’s this busy!” It’s the day be­fore Thanks­giv­ing!
Tech: It’s ac­tu­al­ly two days from Thanks­giv­ing.
Sci­en­tist: I’m go­ing to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the fam­i­ly!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuff­ing with it, save time.
(sci­en­tist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That was­n’t nice.
Suit: He fart­ed while in an el­e­va­tor, I don’t care.

Ex­treme­ly Small El­e­va­tor
Re­search Tri­an­gle Park, North Car­oli­na