20-something female coworker: Since I stopped smoking I can smell better, I even taste better…hey, I bet I taste better, too.
50-something male coworker: I hope!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category
How Do You Think I Got This Job?
Cigarette-smoking chick #1: Wow, you sucked that down fast!
Cigarette-smoking chick #2: Yeah, I wanted it real bad!
Montpelier, Vermont
Overheard by: I know the feeling..
Mmm…Smoked Salmon…
Cashier #1: Tony was in here buying cigarettes, too.
Cashier #2: Oh, really? Tony smokes?
Cashier #3: Yeah… like a fish!
Westport Plaza Creve
Couer, Missouri
I'll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now
Boss: You're out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I'll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.
Fountain Valley, California
In All Its Smoky, Disgusting Deliciousness
Guy: I really like cigars.
Girl: Really? Ew!
Guy: I used to smoke them all time.
Girl: Gross!
Guy: I haven't had one in a long time, but they were delicious.
Girl: I just think they seem so disgusting.
Male coworker, catching the tail end of the conversation: Hey, are you guys talking about the McRib?
Camden County, New Jersey
Welcome to the Club
Front office girl at medical spa, hanging up phone: The client says we are not taking her concerns seriously, and she is going to report us to the Surgeon General.
Ditzy manager: The Surgeon General? But we don't have anything to do with smoking!
Front office girl, under her breath: I can't believe I have to report to you.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: OMG The IQ level here is amazing
Calms My Worries About My Health
Saleswoman: I've had this cough for weeks. It's in my back now. I'll cough so bad sometimes that I'll almost pee myself or I'll throw up. I've tried every over-the-counter medicine they make. Tylenol, Theraflu, I've tried them all. I just can't get rid of it.
Coworker: Cigarette?
Saleswoman: Yeah, I could really use one.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: non-smoker
Why Do You Keep Winking at Me?
Professor #1: I'm going to go home and collapse. I'll be back online later this afternoon.
Professor #2: How was the conference?
Professor #1: Oh, it was great. It was in Canada, so all the faculty were about smoking pot and nude beaches.
Professor #2: We have a beach! We have faculty!
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: blackmail
From the Best-Selling Tuesdays with Moron
Smoking coworker, making a cigarette “dance”, singing: It's that time again, time for a kiss with my smoky friend.
Receptionist: Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Smoking coworker: Actually, I was!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused
Nah, I'm Just Styling Myself After Audrina from The Hills
Coworker trying to quit smoking to coworker who still smokes: You just burned one, didn't you? You looked sick and happy when you walked in.
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Gina