Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category

Nah, Prob­a­bly Just My Wife

Cowork­er #1: I can’t be­lieve you would give some­one a nick­name like that!
Cowork­er #2: I thought you knew what a “pole smok­er” was.
Cowork­er #1: No, I did­n’t. And my mom did­n’t think it was fun­ny when my wife ex­plained it to the fam­i­ly at East­er, ei­ther!
Cowork­er #2: So does that mean you’re go­ing to change your screen name?

Evans­ville, In­di­ana

I’ll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now

Boss: You’re out smok­ing again? I thought you were quit­ting?
As­sis­tant: I start tak­ing the Chan­tix to­mor­row morn­ing, smoke for a week and throw the cig­a­rettes away and dou­ble the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
As­sis­tant: All you want, I’ll be a com­plete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on in­ter­com: Every­one, you have the next 2 months off: as­sis­tant is go­ing to be a big­ger bitch than usu­al.

Foun­tain Val­ley, Cal­i­for­nia

Wel­come to the Club

Front of­fice girl at med­ical spa, hang­ing up phone: The client says we are not tak­ing her con­cerns se­ri­ous­ly, and she is go­ing to re­port us to the Sur­geon Gen­er­al.
Ditzy man­ag­er: The Sur­geon Gen­er­al? But we don’t have any­thing to do with smok­ing!
Front of­fice girl, un­der her breath: I can’t be­lieve I have to re­port to you.

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: OMG The IQ lev­el here is amaz­ing

Calms My Wor­ries About My Health

Sales­woman: I’ve had this cough for weeks. It’s in my back now. I’ll cough so bad some­times that I’ll al­most pee my­self or I’ll throw up. I’ve tried every over-the-counter med­i­cine they make. Tylenol, Ther­aflu, I’ve tried them all. I just can’t get rid of it.
Cowork­er: Cig­a­rette?
Sales­woman: Yeah, I could re­al­ly use one.

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: non-smok­er

Why Do You Keep Wink­ing at Me?

Pro­fes­sor #1: I’m go­ing to go home and col­lapse. I’ll be back on­line lat­er this af­ter­noon.
Pro­fes­sor #2: How was the con­fer­ence?
Pro­fes­sor #1: Oh, it was great. It was in Cana­da, so all the fac­ul­ty were about smok­ing pot and nude beach­es.
Pro­fes­sor #2: We have a beach! We have fac­ul­ty!

Cleve­land, Ohio

Over­heard by: black­mail