College secretary: George loved my dip!
College rep: He also likes penis.
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: it’s true
Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category
Meanwhile, Rome Burned.
New girl: I’m going downstairs for a smoke before we start checking over. Do you want to come?
Supervisor: No thanks, I just think I’ll sit here and fiddle…not with myself!
New girl: Whatever you want to do in your own time.
Supervisor: Hur-hur, yeah, I just sit here and fiddle with myself to unwind. (later, realising new girl has left) Fiddle.
Chiswick Park
London
England
Overheard by: choking on a coke
The You-Can-Live-to-Be-Sixty Diet
40-something editor: Lunch? These youngsters are weak! Didn’t you used to get through 15 hours on coffee and nicotine alone?
60-something editor-in-chief: And whiskey!
West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: I prefer Red Bull and Natty Boh
Nah, Probably Just My Wife
Coworker #1: I can’t believe you would give someone a nickname like that!
Coworker #2: I thought you knew what a “pole smoker” was.
Coworker #1: No, I didn’t. And my mom didn’t think it was funny when my wife explained it to the family at Easter, either!
Coworker #2: So does that mean you’re going to change your screen name?
Evansville, Indiana
But Could You Go Back to Licking the Stamps?
20-something female coworker: Since I stopped smoking I can smell better, I even taste better…hey, I bet I taste better, too.
50-something male coworker: I hope!
Indianapolis, Indiana
How Do You Think I Got This Job?
Cigarette-smoking chick #1: Wow, you sucked that down fast!
Cigarette-smoking chick #2: Yeah, I wanted it real bad!
Montpelier, Vermont
Overheard by: I know the feeling..
Mmm…Smoked Salmon…
Cashier #1: Tony was in here buying cigarettes, too.
Cashier #2: Oh, really? Tony smokes?
Cashier #3: Yeah… like a fish!
Westport Plaza Creve
Couer, Missouri
I’ll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now
Boss: You’re out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I’ll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.
Fountain Valley, California
In All Its Smoky, Disgusting Deliciousness
Guy: I really like cigars.
Girl: Really? Ew!
Guy: I used to smoke them all time.
Girl: Gross!
Guy: I haven’t had one in a long time, but they were delicious.
Girl: I just think they seem so disgusting.
Male coworker, catching the tail end of the conversation: Hey, are you guys talking about the McRib?
Camden County, New Jersey
Welcome to the Club
Front office girl at medical spa, hanging up phone: The client says we are not taking her concerns seriously, and she is going to report us to the Surgeon General.
Ditzy manager: The Surgeon General? But we don’t have anything to do with smoking!
Front office girl, under her breath: I can’t believe I have to report to you.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: OMG The IQ level here is amazing
