Um, Make Coffee?

HR rep to boss: You might have to do the down-and-dirty thing.

Dallas, Texas

Tiger Has the Opposite Problem. In Every Sphere Of Life.

Boss to underling: Takes me 10, 12 times to get to the hole. That’s the way it is.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: DirtyContractor

They Brought Popcorn to the Sexual Harassment Video, and Hooted

Male worker to another: Damn, look at that girl’s ass on MySpace!
Female worker: Could you guys do this somewhere else?
Male worker: Nope, you see, this office is just like the guys’ locker room and you just happen to be working here.

Washington, DC

In Michigan, You’re Lucky to Get Even a Single Entendre

Boss, during full staff meeting: So I asked him, “why does a person need semen to mow the lawn?“
Underling, quietly, to no one in particular: Does she know that’s a double entendre?
Presenter, loudly: So back to the operating budget…

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: No you did not

Yup, Puréed It and Poured It on My Granola

Manager: Why does it smell like salami in here?
Tech: I ran out of milk, so I had to have salami for breakfast.
Manager: Uhh…what?

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: fleeing from the salami stench

Just a Matter of Time for the UN

Young male employee to friend: I mean there’s no strippers in cages or anything, but it looks like it could turn into that kind of place, you know?

Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York

1PM Lunch

CSR: You know sometimes when you blow, you can feel it in your throat?
Secretary: No, I don’t blow that hard.
CSR: Well, I blow hard and I can feel it sometimes. It sucks.

541 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Eve S Dropper 

I Translate His Words Into the Language Of Decent People

Female program manager: You got a sec?
Male program manager: I have lots of secs.
(pause)
Engineer: He means he has a lot of time.

Utah

Overheard by: Snickering Intern

Wait– You Got Your Kids Hand Sanitizer?

Worker, rushing into boss’s office: Guess what I just got the kids for Christmas! It’s hand sanitizer for kids and it’s called “cooter killer.“
Boss: (stares)
Worker: I mean, “cootie killer”!

Hopkinsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: will1966

You’ll Never Be Able to Prove That, Meredith.

50-something admin: There were a whole bunch of plates here.
Everyone else in kitchen: (several seconds of silence)
50-something admin, loudly: Yesterday, there were a whole bunch of plates here.
Everyone else in kitchen: (more silence)
50-something admin, quietly: There were a whole bunch of plates.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: durp