Gossip queen: So, Nate, saw you and Erin left during lunch together. What’s goin’ on there?
Nate: Nothin’.
Gossip queen: Oh, I get it. Wink. (walks away)
Nate to John: When did eating lunch with someone correlate to having penetrated them? I swear to god, my reputation gets laid about 300% more than I do.
John: Wink.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: me
Secretary: So, what’s her husband like?
Manager: Oh, he’s kind of like Mr Bean…you think he may be slightly autistic but he’s still really sexually attractive.
Secretary: Uhh…
Office
Sydney
Australia
Cube rat #1: Could you stop? That’s annoying me.
Cube rat #2: Jim, feel free to suck it.
Radnor, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: CubeKing
Male entering bathroom and noticing someone at urinal: I’m always running into the back of you in here.
Morgantown, West Virginia
Project Manager: I can only imagine what has been coming in my box…My email box.
1137 North 26th Street
Sheboygan, Wisconsion
Overheard by: Chris O’Brien
Office drone to coworker: She had a very busy weekend, but what she was most excited about was the sausage party!
Chicago, Illinois
Anesthesiologist to orderly at computer: What’s my schedule look like?
Orderly to anesthesiologist: At 3 o’clock you get to knock that woman out.
Hospital
New York City, New York
Vendor: Hey, can you do me a huge favor?
Boss: Sure, what do you need?
Vendor: I am trying to land this account, and the guy won’t sign with me unless you sleep with him.
Boss: I am not going to sleep with him! Wait a second, is he cute? Does he have lots of money?
Vendor: No.
Boss: Well, okay but just this once.
3663 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Rick
Defendant: Judge, my probation officer says I was drinking. I told him I wasn’t! I told him he could blow me.
111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan
Female intern: Another intern?
Male manager: Yup. You’re not so new anymore.
Female intern: What’s his name?
Male manager: Dick.
Female intern: Really? I know a Dick.
Male manager: Do you?
Female intern: Yeah, I know like three Dicks!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: this wun guy
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
