Female boss to two employees: Okay, we really need to get you both on health insurance because (pointing at slutty employee) you're gonna get knocked up and (pointing at other) you're gonna squash your melon somehow.
Aspen, Colorado
Overheard by: wah wah wahhhh
Office girl to another: After he put on the fifth condom, I started to become insulted.
Houston, Texas
Coworker #1 to coworker #2: I wish I was holding your Magoo.
Coworker #2: Ummm… I'm gonna leave you two alone.
Coworker #1: Close the door on your way out.
Coworker #2: You don't have a door, you have a cube.
Coworker #1: So… What's your point?
Milford, Connecticut
Office dictator: Folks, I just met with the budget people, and we really need to adhere to our T&A until the end of the year.
Peon: Um, do you mean T&E?
Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
Worker, rushing into boss's office: Guess what I just got the kids for Christmas! It's hand sanitizer for kids and it's called “cooter killer.”
Boss: (stares)
Worker: I mean, “cootie killer”!
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will1966
Perky career director: We're here to service all of you!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: theintern
Warehouse supervisor #1: Man, my computer at home is running slow.
Warehouse supervisor #2: Why, what's up?
Warehouse supervisor #1: I downloaded some porn but I had to delete it so my wife didn't see it.
Warehouse supervisor #2: Okay, so what's the problem now?
Warehouse supervisor #1: I found pron that was downloaded by my wife.
Warehouse supervisor #2, laughing: Guess you're not the only neglected one in the house.
California
Coworker #1: I bought my first iPhone app while on vacation. It's called Ragdoll Blaster. It's pretty good.
Coworker #2: You bought an app called Rectal Blaster?
Coworker #1: Ah, it's good to be back.
Princeton, New Jersey
Female coworker: If we put a bit of vaseline on it he probably could have slid right in!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: David
Office worker on speakerphone: Hello.
Creepy customer: I was just sitting here eating some creamed corn and thinking about you so I thought that I would give you a call.
Office worker: Please hold and I will transfer you to my supervisor.
1st Avenue
Birmingham, Alabama