And Why Are You Snapping Photos?

Coworker, trying to get security card out of pocket: Why would you stand there and let me unbutton my pants when you already had yours out?

Nashville, Tennessee

But Aren’t We Scheduled to Exchange Briefs and Deliver Oral Arguments?

Office Assistant: If I go back to the phone without an answer this guy is going to eat me out.
Manager: I think you mean chew you out.

1125 Colonel Drive
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Overheard by: WOW @ CU

One Hump or Two, Sir?

Art department staff member to intern: We need a camel that looks sexually harassed.

Los Angeles, California

For Reasons They Refuse to Explain

X‑ray tech: I just finished with Seaman. You know, his friends call him “cum.”

Lakeville, Massachusetts

Tonight on Straight Eye for the Queer Guy

Chief: Tom’s got it all wrong. Most of the gay men I meet are eloquent, they’re fit, into the arts. Tom’s none of this things. He’s fat, he’s got a mass of body hair, bad breath…it’s like he’s only gay in his brain.

Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania

I Hear in New York They’ll Deliver It 24 Hours a Day

Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What’s keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!

Dallas, Texas

…Planning to Finish That Sandwich?

Coworker #1: You ever fucked a girl so hard she bled?
Coworker #2: Nah, but I’ve seen it.
Coworker #1: You’ve seen it?!
Coworker #2: Yeah, I walked in on my mate and this girl.
Coworker #1: And you stayed around long enough to see that she was bleeding?!
Coworker #2: Well, it was my turn next.

England

Now Kindly Look the Other Way While I Reboot

Financial director to IT tech who was having difficulty connecting a computer for a presentation: So, you can’t get it up?
IT guy: Oh, don’t say it like that…

Nashville, Tennessee

Perhaps We Shouldn’t Have Taped That $100 Bill to the Ceiling

Office peon #1: I think it might be a wobble.
Office peon #2: A wobble? On the toilet?!
Office peon #1: A wobble.
Office peon #2: Well, who’s jumping up and down on it?

San Diego, California

Overheard by: No idea what they were talking about

I Love Holidays at Grandma’s House!

Office girl during lunch: I just want to move the nuts and eat the goo…

Lubbock, Texas