Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

5PM Time for Hap­py Hour

Co-work­er #1: Not on­ly am I sup­posed to be meet­ing this hot guy at the bar tonight, but we’re cel­e­brat­ing [Dar­ren] pass­ing his bar ex­am! It’s go­ing to be wild.
Co-work­er #2: Well, if you’re smil­ing to­mor­row morn­ing we’ll know how it all went.
Co-work­er #1: Hell, if the night goes as ex­pect­ed, I won’t even be walk­ing straight to­mor­row morn­ing.

1218 Web­ster Av­enue
Hous­ton, Texas

Over­heard by: Of­fice Slave

When Will Peo­ple Learn?

Le­gal as­sis­tant #1: Do you know Andy Sam­berg?
Le­gal as­sis­tant #2: Yes.
Le­gal as­sis­tant #1: What was his oth­er song? Not “I’m on a boat”…
Le­gal as­sis­tant #2: “Jizz in my pants”?
Le­gal as­sis­tant #1: Oh, I thought it was “jizz on my face”. Wait… Am I on speak­er­phone?
Le­gal as­sis­tant #2: Yes.
(of­fice erupts in laugh­ter)

Irvine, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Le­gal Amuse­ment

It Helps to Draw Naked Ladies in the Mar­gins

Biotech girl #1: I re­al­ly need to make my pa­per more sexy, so any com­ments you have will help.
Biotech girl #2: But I’m not a sexy per­son, I don’t know how much help I’ll be.
Biotech girl #1: Oh no, you’re a very sexy per­son! You’ve writ­ten for tons of sexy jour­nals.

Carl Ic­ahn Lab­o­ra­to­ry
Prince­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: File­Trans­fer­er

Don’t Make Me Get Down on My Knees for It!

Male of­fice work­er #1, re­fer­ring to col­lege bas­ket­ball brack­ets: Well, we’re al­so giv­ing $10 back to the per­son with the worst brack­et.
Male of­fice work­er #2: That’s bull­shit! I should get some­thing.
Fe­male of­fice work­er: Wait, I de­serve my mon­ey be­cause I suck bet­ter than the rest of you!

Con­gres­sion­al Of­fice
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: In­tern try­ing not to make a com­ment

In Case You Were Won­der­ing What to Get Me for Boss­es’ Day

Male staffer: There may be a prob­lem.
Fe­male man­ag­er: With what?
Male staffer: I was just typ­ing an e‑mail about a birth cer­tifi­cate. Twice I typed “bitch” in­stead of “birth”.
Fe­male man­ag­er: Oooh!
Male staffer: I cor­rect­ed it be­fore I sent it, though.
Fe­male man­ag­er: Thank good­ness. (pause) Got­ta say, though, that I would love to have a bitch cer­tifi­cate. I mean, I do just fine with­out one, but it would be nice to have the for­mal recog­ni­tion.

Har­ris­burg, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Michael

Who Did­n’t Play That Game in High School?

Man­ag­er, about get­ting her nails done: I wan­na get just the tip red, I see lots of girls with the tip.
An­noy­ing cowork­er: Just the tip?
Cowork­er: Wan­na play a game called “just the tip”? Just for a sec­ond, to see how it feels.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Can we go crash a wed­ding now?