Archive for the ‘School’ Category

I Clung to the Ceiling Until the Board of Regents Granted Me Tenure

Japanese professor: The peroxides are very volatile. If you drop them, we have to be out of the building before they hit the floor.
Grad student: I won’t drop them.
Japanese professor: And only Japanese ninja can move that fast.
Grad student: OK.
Japanese professor: I am well trained in the art of the ninja.

10900 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio

Mainstreaming Dung-Beetle-Americans in the Public Schools May Have Been a Mistake

Teacher #1: I can’t teach this kid anymore.
Teacher #2: Why?
Teacher #1: He can’t keep his hands out of his pants.
Teacher #2: So?
Teacher #1: Look, do I have to spell it out? He doesn’t know the difference between shit and food.
Teacher #2: Oh my god, I’m gonna barf.
Teacher #1: Not around this kid. He might thinks it’s a snack.

3035 Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: don’t want to eat the food