Archive for the ‘Sales’ Category

4PM Fi­nal­ize Con­tracts with New Ac­count

Ven­dor: Hey, can you do me a huge fa­vor?
Boss: Sure, what do you need?
Ven­dor: I am try­ing to land this ac­count, and the guy won’t sign with me un­less you sleep with him.
Boss: I am not go­ing to sleep with him! Wait a sec­ond, is he cute? Does he have lots of mon­ey?
Ven­dor: No.
Boss: Well, okay but just this once.

3663 S. Las Ve­gas Boule­vard
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Rick

5PM Hell, Take All Week­end

Sales: [Di­ana] is freak­ing out. What should I tell her?
Con­sul­tant: Just tell her to chill.
Sales: Well, how long should I tell her to chill?
Con­sul­tant: Un­til the next episode.

2135 Rim­rock Road
Madi­son, Wis­con­sin

What Hap­pens When You Think About Things that Don’t Bear Think­ing About

IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your fa­vorite peo­ple list.
Sales as­sis­tant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Is­n’t William a ger­bil?
Sales as­sis­tant: That’s my ger­bil! We’re talk­ing about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Pe­ter* about ger­bil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the ger­bils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hair­less, claw­less ger­bils.
Pe­ter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Pe­ter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hair­less ger­bils.
Sales guy: Don’t for­get claw­less… you don’t want one with claws.
Of­fice Man­ag­er: Stop with the ger­bils.
Sales guy, to him­self: No… don’t want one with claws.…

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

3PM As­sign­ing Per­son­nel

Ac­count man­ag­er: Hey, [the cus­tomer] wants us to come in and make a pre­sen­ta­tion. Are you avail­able to come with me next week?
Sales di­rec­tor: No. What I’m plan­ning to do is to put to­geth­er an en­tire project team — sales, mar­ket­ing, en­gi­neer­ing, qual­i­ty, man­u­fac­tur­ing, maybe even fi­nance. I want to show that we have a com­pre­hen­sive cross-func­tion­al team in place, so that we look like we know what we’re do­ing, no mat­ter that the cus­tomer asks.
Ac­count man­ag­er: That sounds great. Who else is gonna be on the team?
Sales di­rec­tor: Well, it looks like just me and you for now. Ask me again next month.

28100 Cabot Dri­ve
Novi, Michi­gan