Archive for the ‘Sales’ Category

5PM Hell, Take All Week­end

Sales: [Di­ana] is freak­ing out. What should I tell her?
Con­sul­tant: Just tell her to chill.
Sales: Well, how long should I tell her to chill?
Con­sul­tant: Un­til the next episode.

2135 Rim­rock Road
Madi­son, Wis­con­sin

What Hap­pens When You Think About Things that Don’t Bear Think­ing About

IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your fa­vorite peo­ple list.
Sales as­sis­tant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Is­n’t William a ger­bil?
Sales as­sis­tant: That’s my ger­bil! We’re talk­ing about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Pe­ter* about ger­bil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the ger­bils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hair­less, claw­less ger­bils.
Pe­ter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Pe­ter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hair­less ger­bils.
Sales guy: Don’t for­get claw­less… you don’t want one with claws.
Of­fice Man­ag­er: Stop with the ger­bils.
Sales guy, to him­self: No… don’t want one with claws.…

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

3PM As­sign­ing Per­son­nel

Ac­count man­ag­er: Hey, [the cus­tomer] wants us to come in and make a pre­sen­ta­tion. Are you avail­able to come with me next week?
Sales di­rec­tor: No. What I’m plan­ning to do is to put to­geth­er an en­tire project team — sales, mar­ket­ing, en­gi­neer­ing, qual­i­ty, man­u­fac­tur­ing, maybe even fi­nance. I want to show that we have a com­pre­hen­sive cross-func­tion­al team in place, so that we look like we know what we’re do­ing, no mat­ter that the cus­tomer asks.
Ac­count man­ag­er: That sounds great. Who else is gonna be on the team?
Sales di­rec­tor: Well, it looks like just me and you for now. Ask me again next month.

28100 Cabot Dri­ve
Novi, Michi­gan

I Did­n’t Have Any Re­al Ap­ples, So I Used Ball Bear­ings

Sales guy: I made a pie once.
As­sis­tant: Okay, I bite. What kind of pie did you make?
Sales guy: An ap­ple one.
As­sis­tant: Did it come out of a box?
Sales guy: No, I made it. All by my­self. But it was re­al­ly heavy. It must have been about ten pounds. I think I was stoned. This was back in like 1972… I just re­mem­ber it was re­al­ly heavy. I think it was about four inch­es thick.

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

5PM That’s a Wrap

Cus­tomer: Is Of­fice 2003 the lat­est ver­sion of Of­fice that’s out?
Sales­per­son: Yeah, they most like­ly won’t come out with a new ver­sion un­til Vista is re­leased, which should be about the end of the year.
Cus­tomer: What’s that?
Sales­per­son: Vista?
Cus­tomer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Of­fice?
Sales­per­son: No, Vista is the new op­er­at­ing sys­tem that’s com­ing out. Last I heard Mi­crosoft was plan­ning to re­lease it near the end of this year.
Cus­tomer: Mi­crosoft­’s go­ing to sell com­put­ers now?
Sales­per­son: No, Vista is the op­er­at­ing sys­tem that gets in­stalled on com­put­ers. It’s what makes your com­put­er run.
Cus­tomer: Oh, yeah, I knew that al­ready. Are you go­ing to be car­ry­ing Mi­crosoft­’s new com­put­ers?

Willard Build­ing
State Col­lege, Penn­syl­va­nia