Salesmen on phone with client: I did steroids in college, so I understand where you're coming from.
Plymouth, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Sales’ Category
…As My “I Might As Well Be Pooping” Bumper Sticker Clearly States.
Sales rep #1: I wish we had cordless phones.
Sales rep #2: Why?
Sales rep #1: Well, if I'm going to be on hold, I might as well be pooping or something.
Fort Mill, South Carolina
The Disneyland Brochure Merely Says, “The Happiest Place on Earth”
Travel agent: The fact that there are a lot of prostitutes there is not my fault.
Boston, Massachusetts
2PM Back from Site Visit
Sales guy: How’d the trip go?
IT guy: Went pretty well. Almost had to send your branch manager home though.
Sales guy: Ha, why?
IT guy: After we loaded up all the inventory in an Excel spreadsheet, he kept sorting it wrong. He’d sort just one column. It would scramble the whole thing up and we’d have to delete it and start all over. He did that three times before I banned him from Excel.
Sales guy: You banned him?
IT guy: I banned him.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
1PM Lunch
Sales #1: There’s lint on your shoulder.
Sales #2: Oh.
Sales #1: Here, I’ll pick it off. Wait, here’s Scotch tape; that works better.
Sales #2: I feel like those monkeys that pick bugs off each other’s heads and backs.
712 South Hacienda Drive
Tempe, Arizona
And I Wouldn’t Mind Getting You Between the Worksheets
Assistant: Hey, could you help me with a price on a part?
Sales guy: Yeah, just give me a minute to finish what I’m doing… Hey, I’ll help you with your pricing thing if you come over here and help me with my spreadsheet.
Assistant: Deal. [Walks to next cubicle] My, you have a lot of toolbars…
Sales guy: I’m special.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
The Episode Of Roseanne No One Wanted to See
CSR: Don't you and your husband ever take a shower together?
Supervisor: Are you kidding? After all these years? We don't even fit! Well, we fit, but our feet wouldn't get wet!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Unique (adj.): Unlike Anyone or Anything Else
Sales guy: We’re going to go around the room and name unique things about [the company]. If you can’t think of one when it’s your turn, you have to sit down. The last person standing wins a gift card to Starbucks.
Drone #1: Trustworthy.
Drone #2: Resilient.
Drone #3: Global services.
Drone #4: Inspiring.
Drone #5: Focused.
Drone #6: Capabilities.
Drone #7: Multicultural.
Drone #8: People care.
Drone #9: Adaptability.
Drone #1: Secure.
Drone #2: Employer of choice.
Drone #3: Financial viability.
Drone #4: Responsive.
Drone #5: Integrity.
Drone #6: Straightforward.
Drone #7: Ambitious.
Drone #8: Expertise.
Drone #9: Innovative.
Drone #1: Reliable.
etc…
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
So That Was Friday Night
Sales lady to guy holding door open for her: I was going to, but then I felt something dribble on me and asked “why am I wet?”
Sydney
Australia
Sleepless in the Hardware Department: Act One
Sales girl: I’m a screw hunter, baby!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina