Archive for the ‘Rich people’ Category

Which Is Why It Can’t Be the Oth­er Guy I Slept With

Very white girl in busi­ness suit on cell in cafe­te­ria: No, I haven’t told him yet, I just found out for sure this morn­ing. (pause) Well, I don’t have his phone num­ber any­more, I took it out of my phone so I would­n’t drunk di­al. (pause) I don’t know, I know his ad­dress, so maybe I’ll just send him a card. “Ros­es are red, vi­o­lets are blue, I’m hav­ing a ba­by, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That’ll go over big. (pause) He’s an el­e­men­tary school teacher… that would prob­a­bly get him fired. (pulls out ghet­to ac­cent) And you know my ba­by dad­dy bet­ter have his­self a job!

Prince­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Cur­rrly!

Though I Could Al­so Pic­ture David Duchovny Say­ing It

New part­ner, open­ing mail: Oh, it’s my gold card. Won­der what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween this and a reg­u­lar Amex.
Smart-ass IT guy: Well, it cre­ates a grav­i­ta­tion­al anom­aly when you whip it out in high-end restau­rants, caus­ing all the girls’ panties to hit the floor.
New part­ner: I could have asked a thou­sand peo­ple that ques­tion, on­ly you would have giv­en that an­swer.

Win­nipeg
Cana­dia

On the Plus Side, My Per­son­al Shop­per Re­ports Much Short­er Lines

High so­ci­ety chick #1: Holy shit! The mar­ket’s falling off a cliff again. They keep send­ing me this stuff on my Black­Ber­ry.
High so­ci­ety chick #2: Yeah, it’s like re­al­ly scary.
High so­ci­ety chick #1: I went to my horse­back rid­ing class yes­ter­day, and now there’s like half the peo­ple than be­fore.

Star­bucks
Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: mike sere­ny