Archive for the ‘Rhode Island’ Category

11AM In­voic­es Due

Ac­counts Payable: I told you I shipped that in­voice.
Ac­counts Re­ceiv­able: It says on the la­bel it was re­turned for ad­dress.
Ac­counts Payable: I wrote the right ad­dress. It says, “Lit­tle Rock, Kansa­saw”!
Ac­counts Re­ceiv­able: Oh, okay. Don’t know why it got re­turned, then.

2000 Plain­field Pike
Cranston, Rhode Is­land

Over­heard by: Oh no, they were se­ri­ous

He Re­mem­bers Shindler’s List As a Chil­dren’s Fairy Tale

Gen­er­al man­ag­er: Folks, this year is go­ing to be like The Per­fect Storm. You know, that movie with Kevin Cost­ner.
Sales rep #1, whis­per­ing: Was Kevin Cost­ner even in that movie?
Gen­er­al man­ag­er: We can ei­ther ride it out or we can push to the crest of the tsuna­mi!
Sales rep #1: Did­n’t peo­ple die in The Per­fect Storm?
Sales rep #2: Yes.

Plain­field Pike, Rhode Is­land

The First-Ever Sug­ges­tion That Col­lege Leads to So­bri­ety

Woman: Man, I got so shit­faced last night. Ma­jor hang­over. I’m not gonna get any­thing done.
Lack­ey: Well, good thing you’re a VP. You can get away with that kind of thing.
Woman: I know, right? And I don’t even have a col­lege ed­u­ca­tion!
Lack­ey: Guess I wast­ed those four years and work­day so­bri­ety for noth­ing. And all this time I could have been a hun­gover dropout.
Woman: Live and learn!

Prov­i­dence, Rhode Is­land

Over­heard by: Kate

Oth­er­wise I’d Be Say­ing This Stuff to Her Face

Rep #1: She wears dis­gust­ing eye makeup…like a taran­tu­la.
Rep #2: Gross!
Rep #1: I know. She looks like a tramp. I mean, she can’t keep her legs closed.
Rep #2: Nasty!
Rep #1: She thinks she is so hot. Yeah, right.
Rep #2: Wait, is­n’t she like, your best friend?
Rep #1: Of course!

Plain­field Pike, Rhode Is­land

It’s What She Would Want If She Weren’t Self­ish­ly Pre­oc­cu­pied With Her Lit­tle Per­son­al Prob­lems

Co-Work­er #1: …and who or­dered the sal­ad?
Co-Work­er #2: Marie*, but she left for the day.
Co-Work­er #1: Is she okay?
Co-Work­er #2: I hope so. She was cry­ing when she left. I guess the po­lice called and said her 7‑year-old daugh­ter was a town over from where she was sup­posed to be, and no one knows where the sit­ter went.
Co-Work­er #1: Oh, that’s aw­ful. [long pause] So you think that means I can eat her sal­ad?

Prov­i­dence, Rhode Is­land

Over­heard by: Kate