Shoe store girl #1: You look tired all the time.
Shoe store girl #2: Well, I think it’s my allergies. I’m allergic to cats and I like to rub mine on my face all the time.
Shoe store girl #1: Oh.
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Archive for the ‘Retail’ Category
Stigmata Don’t Just Come to You, You Have to Work for Them
Associate: You need something?
Woman: Yeah, maybe you know. Which are the nails they used to crucify Christ with?
Associate: … Uh, maybe these?
Woman: Right. I don’t think those are the ones I’m looking for, but you’re on the right track.
Home Depot
Virginia
Overheard by: Sara
Take This Job and McShove It
Manager: You have to keep your collar buttoned unless your undershirt is white. I can see that yours is black.
Cashier: That’s not how we did it before.
Manager: That wasn’t this McDonald’s.
1983 86th Street
Brooklyn, New York
There Are So Few Good Roles for African-American Actresses
Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I’d like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I’ll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.
Value City
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Did that really just happen?
It’s a Corn-on-the-Cob Eating Contest, Dude
Tech #1: Should I bring tools?
Tech #2: Nah, you can use your teeth and fingers.
Tech #1: What do you mean?
Computer Repair Shop
Indiana
Sounds More Like A‑hole Than U‑Haul
Guy: Why’d you just hang up on ’em?
Girl: I don’t wanna talk to her. She’ll call back.
Guy: Yeah, but you can’t just hang up.
Girl: She wanna make a reservation. It’s a waste of time, mine and hers.
Guy: I know, but you can’t tell them that!
U‑Haul
394 4th Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Matthew Healy
Remember? The ASPCA Won’t Let Us Forget!
Daughter-in-law cooing over another shopper’s baby: Awww — look at that face!
Mother-in-law: You’ll have one of your own soon.
Daughter-in-law: [Snorts] Talk to your son about that.
Mother-in-law: Well, that’s between the two of you, I think.
Daughter-in-law: You know how I am. If I don’t get what I want, I just go out and get it myself. Remember how I wanted a kitten?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Fellow shopper
I’m a Married Man
Female clerk: Did you eat yet?
Male clerk: Yeah, I’ve been here since 1:30.
Female clerk: Ooh! Then can I lint-brush you?
Convenience Store
Brighton, Massachusetts
Goodness, Mr. Lay, Your Firm’s Financial Report Certainly Is Heavy!
Customer: Why is your store so big?
Salesgirl: [Silence.]Customer: I’m an accountant — I notice these things.
Chocolate store
North Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Other Salesgirl
5PM Hell, Take All Weekend
Sales: [Diana] is freaking out. What should I tell her?
Consultant: Just tell her to chill.
Sales: Well, how long should I tell her to chill?
Consultant: Until the next episode.
2135 Rimrock Road
Madison, Wisconsin
