Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

I’m Pret­ty Sure Mel Gib­son Has Bare­ly Touched His Copy

Young of­fice work­er: I need some Catholic class­es or some­thing. I get all con­fused about the Bible char­ac­ters and Je­sus.
Man­ag­er: Why not go to church? Or maybe when you go to col­lege, they’ll have a Bible study. Lots of kids do that.
Young of­fice work­er: I need some­thing be­fore then. I need Je­sus for Dum­mies so I can catch up!

365 West Pas­sa­ic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: the cu­bi­cle right out­side

We Should Talk Like This Less Of­ten

Cube rat #1: I can’t ex­plain my par­ents. They will have a prob­lem with me dat­ing a black guy, but the fun­ny thing is my sis­ter mar­ried a Jew­ish guy and they don’t seem to care. And, you know, what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a black man and a white man? It’s just dif­fer­ent skin col­ors. But there are re­al dif­fer­ences be­tween Chris­t­ian and Jew­ish peo­ple.
Cube rat #2: You’re ab­solute­ly right. Jew­ish peo­ple go to church on Sat­ur­day.
Cube rat #11: That’s right.
Cube rat #12: And they peel their food.

Madi­son Street
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Peo­ple in the Sun

Take What, Ex­act­ly? No, Don’t Tell Me.

Cute gay guy: Tome Cruise and Katie Holmes were look­ing for an apart­ment on my street.
Fe­male cowork­er: Oh, re­al­ly?
Cute gay guy: Yeah, I live on Toorak Road. If they move there, I wan­na steal Suri. And have crazy bum sex on my bal­cony! (demon­strates by thrust­ing in the air) Take that, Sci­en­tol­ogy!


Over­heard by: Gig­gling

Eh, What­ev­er, He’ll Be Dead be­fore He Can Com­plain

Nurse: The pa­tient in Room 39* re­quest­ed a vis­it from a Mor­mon priest.
Chap­lain: Re­al­ly? I’ll have to call one, give me a mo­ment. [Opens note­book] Ah, here we go. [Di­als phone, waits] Hi, this is Chap­lain Smith* at the hos­pi­tal. I’m call­ing about a pa­tient who would like a vis­it from a Mor­mon cler­gy-per­son. I haven’t vis­it­ed with the pa­tient, so I don’t know if he is a mem­ber of your con­gre­ga­tion, but he did specif­i­cal­ly re­quest a vis­it from a Mor­mon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this mes­sage. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a mes­sage on their voice­mail. I won­der if the Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es check their mes­sages of­ten.
Nurse: Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es…?
Chap­lain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Med­ical Cen­ter Boule­vard
Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: an­oth­er wit­ness