Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

We Should Talk Like This Less Of­ten

Cube rat #1: I can’t ex­plain my par­ents. They will have a prob­lem with me dat­ing a black guy, but the fun­ny thing is my sis­ter mar­ried a Jew­ish guy and they don’t seem to care. And, you know, what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a black man and a white man? It’s just dif­fer­ent skin col­ors. But there are re­al dif­fer­ences be­tween Chris­t­ian and Jew­ish peo­ple.
Cube rat #2: You’re ab­solute­ly right. Jew­ish peo­ple go to church on Sat­ur­day.
Cube rat #11: That’s right.
Cube rat #12: And they peel their food.

Madi­son Street
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Peo­ple in the Sun

Take What, Ex­act­ly? No, Don’t Tell Me.

Cute gay guy: Tome Cruise and Katie Holmes were look­ing for an apart­ment on my street.
Fe­male cowork­er: Oh, re­al­ly?
Cute gay guy: Yeah, I live on Toorak Road. If they move there, I wan­na steal Suri. And have crazy bum sex on my bal­cony! (demon­strates by thrust­ing in the air) Take that, Sci­en­tol­ogy!

Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: Gig­gling

Eh, What­ev­er, He’ll Be Dead be­fore He Can Com­plain

Nurse: The pa­tient in Room 39* re­quest­ed a vis­it from a Mor­mon priest.
Chap­lain: Re­al­ly? I’ll have to call one, give me a mo­ment. [Opens note­book] Ah, here we go. [Di­als phone, waits] Hi, this is Chap­lain Smith* at the hos­pi­tal. I’m call­ing about a pa­tient who would like a vis­it from a Mor­mon cler­gy-per­son. I haven’t vis­it­ed with the pa­tient, so I don’t know if he is a mem­ber of your con­gre­ga­tion, but he did specif­i­cal­ly re­quest a vis­it from a Mor­mon. Feel free to call me back at 555‑3418* when you get this mes­sage. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a mes­sage on their voice­mail. I won­der if the Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es check their mes­sages of­ten.
Nurse: Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness­es…?
Chap­lain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Med­ical Cen­ter Boule­vard
Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: an­oth­er wit­ness

And I Was Like, “Mis­sion Ac­com­plished!”

Fe­male cowork­er #1: By that time I was drunk enough to run in there my­self. So I bought one of ’em. It was like a reg­u­lar con­dom, but it had these lit­tle pink things…
Fe­male cowork­er #2: You bought a french tick­ler?
Fe­male cowork­er #1: Yeah! So we blew it up at our ta­ble and start­ed us­ing it as a vol­ley­ball. It was re­al­ly fun for a while, and then I spiked it in­to the priest’s head and we were asked to leave the re­cep­tion.

Al­bany, New York

Over­heard by: Dou­bled over Cowork­er