Minister: At least I know where I’m going when I die… Heaven.
Drunk worker: Yeah, I’m going there too.
Minister: You gotta change first.
Drunk worker: I know, I just did…
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Derrick McClure
Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category
Dear Diary– Told Charlotte How I Feel Today!
Office chick #1: Hey, I like your shoes. Are they new?
Office chick #2: Thanks. I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t been wearing them.
Office chick #1: They’re kind of low cut.
Office dude: Yeah, I can see a lot of arch. If this was the middle east, I’d totally be raping you right now.
Rancho Cordova, California
Overheard by: Good thing we’re in Cali.
We Mean No Disrespect to Our Muslim Readers, If We Have Any
Gay coworker #1: The new guy is cute!
Gay coworker #2: I know, huh? Cuter than John or Ryan.
Gay coworker #1: Well, I think John is still number one on my list.
Gay coworker #2: This is why I love coming to work everyday.
Gay coworker #1: Yeaahh…me too! It’s like gay Mecca here!
San Francisco, California
11AM Diversity Seminar
Manager: I hate it when black people make a big deal about being black when they accept awards. It’s like the Holocaust; they have to get over it.
4189 Route 9
Freehold, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert Max Freeman
Tonight on the History Channel
Office guy: It’s for the masonic center, don’t fuck it up.
Office girl: Yeah, I hear they will cut a bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Christ’s Business Cards Were English-only
Woman on phone: I was supposed to make the business card English on one side and Japanese on the other, and I put Chinese…and I apologize for it, it was dishonest of me…I didn’t think anyone would notice…but I’m a Christian person and I don’t want to die and go to hell, I’d rather apologize and make it right and go to heaven…I know it’s a little thing but I’m a Christian…
2301 South Third Street
Louisville, Kentucky
3PM Christmas Party (Cont’d)
Boss: I’m getting nailed to the wall here, guys! C’mon! I’m not Jesus Christ! Help me out!
3211 Jermantown Road
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Genevieve
‘Yiddish’ Is Jew-Speak for ‘Fuck You, Jesus Boy’
WASP: I know what that says! It’s written in Jewish!
Bagel wench: Yiddish?
WASP: Are you Jewish?
Noah’s Bagels, Manhattan Beach Boulevard
Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: just wants to make bagels in peace
Unfortunately, St. Peter Is a Great Bouncer
Sassy employee: Just give me my fucking heaven ticket, bitch! I just want to go to heaven.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: She’s not a hater, just a discriminator
3PM Coffee Break
Battleaxe: You know, pretty soon we’ll start to see refugees from New Orleans at this school…I’d rather that than the Muslims.
695 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Carl Limbacher
Co-worker #1: Man, New Orleans has sure turned into something out of Lord Of The Rings.
Co-worker #2: Don’t you mean Lord Of The Flies?
800 Hennepin Ave S
Minneapolis, Minnesota
