General Manager: Wait, his ex-wife is white? What color are their children? Beige?
805 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Eric
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
A Chicago Blues Standard for Good Reason
Coworker #1: If being married is so bad, why are you still married?
Coworker #2: It's cheaper to keep her!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Althoff
The Way You Change Color Like a Kaleidoscope
Office drone: Why is everyone staring at me?
Office chick: You're fun to look at.
Mesquite, Nevada
…Who Says I'm Not Management Material?
Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.
Dallas, Texas
It's What Jesus Would Do
Engineer on phone: Even skanky girls need love too. And I'm single, so I do my part to help.
Grayslake, Illinois
Technically, She's Also My Aunt.
Judge: You've been charged with violation of section […] of the city code: having an open bottle of alcohol in public. How old are you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Eighteen.
Judge: Does anyone else live in your household with you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah, my girlfriend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girlfriend?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Thirty-eight.
Judge: Thirty-eight? How long have you two been living together?
Dirty, shirtless white man: About seven years.
Judge: You're 18 and you and this woman have been living together for seven years??
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirtless white man: I have no money, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on November 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He's got enough problems.
City Court
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
And Neither of Them Knows It
Office chick #1: But why does she do that?
Office chick #2: It doesn’t matter — her boyfriend is so gay!
Melbourne
Australia
It’s Only Bad If She Doesn’t Take the Kids
Boss: If we don’t start turning things around here so I can get home sooner, I’m going to wind up divorced. And that would be…bad. I think.
6106 Excelsior Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Mad Cow
If They Want to Find Syphilis, They Should Inquire with Betty in Accounting
Manager: Well if they don't fill out the forms right, they don't get their shit. I have no sympathy for them…and you know what I say? If they want to find sympathy, they can look in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
The Episode Of Roseanne No One Wanted to See
CSR: Don't you and your husband ever take a shower together?
Supervisor: Are you kidding? After all these years? We don't even fit! Well, we fit, but our feet wouldn't get wet!
Indianapolis, Indiana