Male staff member: Yeah, but knowing my luck, it'll happen again when I'm not here!
Female staff member: It's okay. You're married now. You'll get lucky one day!
Blockbuster
Australia
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
I May Have to Give Up Rollerblading With My Dog
Coworker to another: Sometimes my wheels spin around the wrong angle and then they jab at you.
Seattle, Washington
He Doesn't Dig Me, I'm Afraid
Suit to intern: Why don't you have your boyfriend dig you out?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
…So He Can Freelance
Office girl to cube mates: I didn't talk to my fiance at all last night, he was harvesting organs. Apparently they just go in and start yanking like five minutes after somebody dies. Okay, well, now I'm going to go buy him a gun.
St Louis, Missouri
Engineers Often Develop Delusions Of Godhood
Engineer to secretary: I don't want to be accused of misplacing nine years of your life!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: 812
Can’t Wait ‘Til He Puts on the Darth Vader Mask and Tells the Baby He’s Her Father
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
If I Didn't Have a Window, We'd Probably All Need Gas Masks
Legal counsel: I normally just crack it when I'm expecting someone.
Madison, Wisconsin
3PM Coffee Break
Sports editor: I think you need to apologize for that.
Opinion editor: Okay, but you need to meet me halfway. I’m sorry for hitting you, but you need to apologize for existing.
5211 Old Charlotte Highway
Monroe, North Carolina
His Pride! What Were You Thinking?
Gay co-worker, loudly, to visibly embarrassed girl who just received a large bunch of roses: Somebody swallowed last weekend!
Oakland House
Manchester
England
Overheard by: Tommy
He Just Doesn’t Have the Underwearwithal
Woman: I haven’t talked to Henry* in a week. I’m through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He’s sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That’s it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we’re through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don’t take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin’ drawer. Selfish!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu