Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

For Reasons They Refuse to Explain

X‑ray tech: I just finished with Seaman. You know, his friends call him “cum.”

Lakeville, Massachusetts

I Hear in New York They’ll Deliver It 24 Hours a Day

Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What’s keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!

Dallas, Texas

Yeah, Human Biology Really Is Creepy

Coworker #1: I think it’s creepy you kiss your dad on the lips. It’s like making out with your father.
Coworker #2: Why do you think that’s creepy?! I’m his daughter! His sperm is inside of me!

St. Louis, Missouri

Despite What You Read in the Gay and Lesbian Section

Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It’s a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn’t he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It’s a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don’t eat your friends!

Borders
Melbourne Central
Australia

Overheard by: Incognito

And of Course He Was There at the Time

Bimbo: She really didn’t betray him other than sleeping with someone else.

1300 Riverside Avenue
Fort Collins, Colorado

Overheard by: dazed and confused

That’s Not Baggage — Those Are Wedding Gifts

Suit hanging up phone: I am so done with married chicks — they have too much baggage.

3250 42^nd Street
New York, New York

It’s Never Easy to Arrange a Podiatryst

Female coworker #1, quietly: So have you had any success yet?
Female coworker #2, quietly: No, she won’t let me anywhere near her feet.
Female coworker #1: Okay. I’ll tell you what you’ve got to do. (whispers furtively)

Chili, New York

Overheard by: NewGirl