Office girl #1: Ohmigod, did you hear that Sam Ronson broke up with Lindsay Lohan?
Office girl #2: No. No! Where did you read that?
Awkward office guy, from across office: Aaaand this is why I’m better than you!
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Boss: I went on a date with this guy, and he showed up with the most hideous, tacky tie on. So I just said, ‘That tie is so tacky’ and made him take it off and threw it into the nearest trash can. He thinks I’m so mean, but I’m telling you, he loves it.
171 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Grace Aldridge
Boss: The incentive this month is: the person with the most accounts will get a steak dinner on me. And you can bring your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, you don’t have to eat alone, I’ll pay for them too.
Female sales rep: What if I have like eight boyfriends?
Boss: Well, then you’re a whore. I don’t know what else to tell you.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Tech #1: So, my friend is going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and he wants to secretly get her ring size.
Tech #2: Measure her finger while she’s asleep.
Tech #1: What if she doesn’t sleep very soundly? What if she wakes up and is like, ‘What’s this thing on my finger?‘
Tech #2: Get her really hammered.
Tech #1: She doesn’t really drink…
Tech #3: Then just hammer her!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: only girl in the office
Intern #1: Can I try your sandwich?
Intern #2: Let me think about it for…no. Friendship, food: two very different things.
136 Tooley Street
London, England
Overheard by: Jessica Reed
Worker: [Jeff] didn’t come in because he has pneumonia. We went to the hospital yesterday.
Manager: Ever since you and [Jeff] started dating he’s begun falling apart. Now he’s got pneumonia. That’s what drugs will do to you; lower your immune system.
Worker: That couldn’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve taken ecstacy.
7350 S. Tamiami Trail
Sarasota, Florida
Surgeon: So, you’re dating a nurse… What kind?
PA #1: Beats the hell out of me… I’m just hoping she’s a head nurse — you know, with dirty knees.
PA #2: Awesome.
Hospital
Western Pennsylvania
Cube dweller #1: Sometimes I think I am only here for comic relief!
Cube dweller #2: If that’s you’re role, then why am I here?
Cube dweller #1: You’re my muse, bitch!
Markham
Ontario
Canadia
Admin assistant: What do you mean you don’t have sex? You live with your boyfriend!
Receptionist: Yeah, once you have the fish in the boat, there’s no reason to keep throwing out the lure.
12th Street
Portland, Oregon
Co-worker #1: I promise everyone around here really likes you.
Co-worker #2: OK, but you really have to stop punching me in the face.
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
