Good­ness, Mr. Lay, Your Fir­m’s Fi­nan­cial Re­port Cer­tain­ly Is Heavy!

Cus­tomer: Why is your store so big?
Sales­girl: [Silence.]Customer: I’m an ac­coun­tant — I no­tice these things.

Choco­late store
North Plain­field, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Oth­er Sales­girl

Con­sid­er an In­fu­sion of Cash

Dis­tract­ed CSR: Thank you for call­ing, my name is Aaron*, how can you help us to­day?

Air­port Road
Scotts­bluff, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: snort­ing cof­fee

Up­side to Im­mi­gra­tion ‘Wall’: It’ll Put an End to Con­ver­sa­tions Like This

Of­fice troll #1: Gosh, there were a bunch of Mex­i­cans at lunch to­day. Where do you think they all came from?
Of­fice troll #2: Mex­i­co.

Dal­las, Texas

Dan Brown Can’t Find That, Ei­ther

Pe­on #1: What are you look­ing for?
Pe­on #2: A the­saurus.
Pe­on #1: Is that by Dan Brown?

Man­hat­tan, New York

Or Every Episode Of Steven Sea­gal: Law­man

Su­per­vi­sor: Was this class as bad I thought?
Fe­male cop, leav­ing sem­i­nar, about in­struc­tor: He likes to say ‘quick and dirty’ way too much and the dude ram­bles like a drunk rid­ing a bi­cy­cle.

Louisiana State Po­lice Head Quar­ters
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

Over­heard by: i snuck out ear­ly, too

The Ques­tion I Was Born to An­swer

Cowork­er, surf­ing the net: What the crap? Is every Pre­ston* in the world naked in their pro­file?

West Lafayette, In­di­ana

Um, Web­MD Does­n’t Of­fer That Ser­vice, Sir

Cube guy on phone: Should I e‑mail you when I have an­oth­er dump?

Fair­fax, Vir­ginia

What Is It with That Word?

Of­fice pe­on: Will the of­fice gift ex­change be uni­sex?
Boss (se­ri­ous­ly): That’s in­ap­pro­pri­ate in the work­place.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: beth the ob­serv­er

Or Is There a Silent “H”?

VP: How do you spell “on­ly”? Is it o‑w-n-l‑y?

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: the man has 3 de­grees

IT Girls: Al­ways Up­load­ing the Sar­casm

Suit: Ex­cuse me, can you help me pick out a dock­ing sta­tion?
IT Girl: Is­n’t that a per­son­al de­ci­sion?

1700 N. Beau­re­gard Street
Alexan­dria, Vir­ginia