Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category

Yup, Puréed It and Poured It on My Granola

Manager: Why does it smell like salami in here?
Tech: I ran out of milk, so I had to have salami for breakfast.
Manager: Uhh…what?

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: fleeing from the salami stench

I’m Trying to Get the Visual Just Right

Boss: It was some chick college…
Minion: I have to ask, was it an Asian chick college?

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: outside laughing

I Translate His Words Into the Language Of Decent People

Female program manager: You got a sec?
Male program manager: I have lots of secs.
(pause)
Engineer: He means he has a lot of time.

Utah

Overheard by: Snickering Intern

How Much Crank Does That Take?

Female coworker: I received your collections file for the $57,700.00 claim. Have you run an asset check on this lady to see if she has anything we can file suit against?
Male coworker: No. When I spoke to her she sounded barefoot, pregnant, and poor. Like she was living with someone else.
Female coworker: I didn’t realize you could get all of that from someone’s voice.
Male coworker: I’m crunk. I’m good.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Not Crunk

Hah– The Laws Of Space-Time Are Putty in My Hands!

CEO: So, how long will it take you to set that up?
System admin: Um…two minutes?
CEO: Five. You’ve got five. See, I doubled-and-a-halved it for you!
System admin, developer, designer: What?

State & Water
Peoria, Illinois

Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…

They Rarely Complain About It

Boss to secretary: How do you know farm animals don’t understand daylight savings time?

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: CrazyCurator

Someone’s Been Sniffing the Toner Again

Receptionist, on his last day: How can I give the rest of the staff access to these files?
Tech guy: Put them on the network.
Receptionist: Where’s the network?
Tech guy: Exactly! It’s everywhere, man!

University of Minnesota, Minneapolis

Overheard by: I’m New Here