5PM That’s a Wrap

Assistant #1: I want to stab my eyes out. Is that normal?
Assistant #2: Yes.
Assistant #1: Just wanted to make sure.

640 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Donated By Public-Spirited Clitizens

Librarian #1: Take a look at these new book donations that just came in.
Librarian #2: Oh, it’s just a bunch of Chick Lick; we don’t want it.
Librarian #1: Don’t you mean Chick Lit?
Librarian #2: I stand by my statement.

501 Maitland Avenue
Maitland, Florida

Overheard by: Kristen

3PM Cigarette Break

General Manager: Wait, his ex-wife is white? What color are their children? Beige?

805 3rd Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Eric

Though I Give My Body to Be Burned, It Profiteth Me Nothing

Customer service agent, ending phone call: Thank you for calling. Is there anything else you need to help us with today?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Sars

Or Are You Still Pounding It Out?

Editor to legal reporter: Did you write the story about whether sex was a major life activity?

Crystal City, Virginia

Probably Some Sort of Throw Pillow

Student: What is this bit?
Professor: Which bit?
Student: The kinda-purplish, squishy bit.
Professor, to assistant: Do you know what that is?
Assistant: No.
Professor, to student: That’s not important. You can ignore that.

USC Anatomy lab
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Kylie

…But Why Am I Telling This to a Purple Stegosaurus?

Detective #1, walking away from meeting with chief: Man,where do you come up with some of this shit?
Detective #2: There were a couple summers in the 70s when I thought LSD was a vitamin.

Manhattan, New York

This Just In: Bon Jovi Fires Insurance Agent

Insurance agent on phone: Garbage? You said garbage? But if it’s garbage, why would you need to insure garbage??

East Little Creek Road
Norfolk, Virginia

Overheard by: kim

A Chicago Blues Standard for Good Reason

Coworker #1: If being married is so bad, why are you still married?
Coworker #2: It's cheaper to keep her!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Althoff

Because Trolls Are Unionized, Moron

Boss: Well, they apparently thought the gnome was a good idea, so why not go with a troll?

Mesa, Arizona

Overheard by: David