Archive for the ‘Physical Appearance’ Category

He Just Doesn’t Have the Underwearwithal

Woman: I haven’t talked to Henry* in a week. I’m through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He’s sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That’s it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we’re through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don’t take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin’ drawer. Selfish!

45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

If You Swallow Semen, Could You Poop Out a Baby?

Girl #1: I feel like I'm pregnant.
Girl #2: Maybe you are.
Girl #1: But, it was anal sex.
Girl #2: But I think it could still pass through.
Girl #1: “Pass through?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I think sometimes it can.
Girl #1: Oh god.
Girl #2: I think I've heard it could. You'd better go get checked out.
Girl #1: Oh, god!
Girl #2: You're even looking kind of…bigger.

Illinois

And They All Sound Like Chris Rock!

Office peon #1: Last night I had a dream about being attacked by a donkey.
Office peon #2: Oh, I know what your mean: zebras are my Freddy Krueger.
Office peon #1: I know, right? Because they don't even sound like regular fucking horses.
Office peon #2: And they're camouflaged like lightning!

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Best Nature Documentary EVER!