Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

Those Who Can’t Do, Teach

Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I don’t think I am go­ing to keep my re­al­tor’s li­cense.
Boss’s 80-year-old mom: Okay… Then what are you go­ing to do?
Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I’ll be­come a sex ther­a­pist!

126 York Street
Elmhurst, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Joanie

I Just Un­plug Their Ca­ble

Cowork­er on phone to hus­band: We have to start hid­ing that cam­era from her. Yeah, yeah… You want me to beat her? Hon­ey, I’m kid­ding! I’m just kid­ding! You know I nev­er beat the kids.

14750 Miller Av­enue
Fontana, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Sara

Min­i­mum

Nine-year-old girl in child psy­chol­o­gy of­fice, talk­ing a mile a minute: And, mom, the teacher was re­al­ly up­set that we did­n’t know how long a cen­tu­ry is! Yeah, she was re­al­ly up­set cause none of us knew!
Mom: Do you know how long a cen­tu­ry is?
Nine-year-old girl: No! I did­n’t know ei­ther! I don’t know how long a cen­tu­ry is!
Mom, in­cred­u­lous: You don’t know how long a cen­tu­ry is?
Nine-year-old girl: No! How long is it?
Mom, with­out hes­i­ta­tion: Ten years.

Mar­i­on, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Which one of you is see­ing the ther­a­pist again?

Hon­esty and Par­ent­ing Are Mu­tu­al­ly Ex­clu­sive

Mom to lit­tle kid: I told you not to go in the road.
Dad: Yeah, you get hit by a car, you gon’ be in there with ma­ma on a bed. [Kid stares.] You get hit by a car, you gon’ have to get X‑rays. You want X‑rays? X‑rays hurt.

Doc­tor’s of­fice, 35th Street and Red­wood Road
Salt Lake City, Utah

Over­heard by: JChan