Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

Al­so the Idea be­hind In­ter­net Porn

Man re­fer­ring to stuffed beaver’s tail with ‘Do not touch’ sign: Can my daugh­ter touch this?
Work­er: No.
Man to daugh­ter: You can’t touch it, hon­ey, be­cause Miss Sen­so­ry De­pri­va­tion over here wants you to touch with your eyes, not with your hands.

Ster­ling, Vir­ginia

I Got That Ages Ago

Mom: Oooh, guess what I got while I was in At­lanta yes­ter­day?
Daugh­ter, fak­ing ex­cite­ment: Her­pes?!
Mom: No, I got– Wait, what?!


Over­heard by: P‑Nuckle

Is There Any­thing You Guys Could Do about That?

Con­cerned moth­er on phone: My son just in­formed me that the room de­posits are due to­mor­row.
Sec­re­tary: Yes.
Moth­er: But I’m in Ger­many, and if I mailed in the mon­ey it would take two weeks.
Sec­re­tary: Your son could pay with a deb­it card or cash.
Moth­er: I gave him a deb­it card and he lost it.
Sec­re­tary: Uh-huh.
Moth­er: … My son is a god­damned id­iot.


As All Brook­lyn Wel­fare Moth­ers Know, Nails Are More Im­por­tant than Par­ent­ing

Ghet­to woman: I’m on­ly here be­cause I got a gift cer­tifi­cate. I hate Man­hat­tan. I nev­er come here. I can’t stand it. Every­one is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would nev­er be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these peo­ple.
Nail tech­ni­cian: Where do you work?
Ghet­to woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the coun­ty.
Nail tech­ni­cian: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghet­to woman: Brook­lyn. Tom­my! Sit still in that chair for god­sakes!!

14th St & 6th Ave
New York City

Over­heard by: se­ri­ous­ly?