Mom: Oooh, guess what I got while I was in Atlanta yesterday?
Daughter, faking excitement: Herpes?!
Mom: No, I got– Wait, what?!
Mall
Georgia
Overheard by: P‑Nuckle
Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category
Why There’s a Mother’s Day
Woman checking child’s diaper: I just stuck my finger in your poop! Now I’ll have to bleach my hand.
2401 Utah Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: lastikgirl
Three’s Normal, Right?
Well-dressed 30-something woman: So my son was like: “Mom! There’s this ball in my privates and it’s moving around!” So I told him to talk to his father because I want nothing to do with this conversion. So he says: “Dad! There’s this ball in my privates and it’s moving around!” and my husband goes: “Yeah -’cause those are your balls. Women have boobs and men have balls and those are your balls! End of story.“
Slightly horrified 20-something woman: Don’t you think that will ultimately confuse him?
30-something woman: I know, right?! Anyway, it was so funny… [Laughs] Balls!
Providence, Rhode Island
You’re Thoughtful to Keep a Spare, in Case He Forgets
Guy on phone with his mom: I think if an axe murderer breaks in, he’ll already have an axe.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
Never Lose Bets to Your Children
Parent to teacher: Would it be possible for students to have extra recess time instead of silent reading?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Then We Empty the Can Into a Volcano
Son, pointing to a tip can: Mom, what’s that?
Mom: That’s where they put all the naughty kids that are bothering the parents.
Son: No they don’t!
Mom: It’s true, you can ask the lady.
Grocery bagger: Yup, your mom’s right.
Kailua, Hawaii
Overheard by: Worker #43
Those Who Can’t Do, Teach
Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I don’t think I am going to keep my realtor’s license.
Boss’s 80-year-old mom: Okay… Then what are you going to do?
Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I’ll become a sex therapist!
126 York Street
Elmhurst, Illinois
Overheard by: Joanie
Also the Idea behind Internet Porn
Man referring to stuffed beaver’s tail with ‘Do not touch’ sign: Can my daughter touch this?
Worker: No.
Man to daughter: You can’t touch it, honey, because Miss Sensory Deprivation over here wants you to touch with your eyes, not with your hands.
Sterling, Virginia
Send in Jack Bauer!
Dad: Honey, where’s your teddy bear?
3‑year-old girl: Oh, the terrorist are hiding him.
Overlake Hospital
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Nurse says what
At a Quarter-Million Square Miles, He’s a Very Big Boy
Proud, jorts-wearing papa: Eric* is looking more like a Saskatchewan every day, with his big feet and all that hair.
Conrad Sauer Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jacob
