Archive for the ‘Out to Lunch’ Category

You Know What — I’ll Just Take a Water

Waiter to customer: I’m sorry, but we’re out of swiss. Would you like mozzarella or cheddar?
Customer: Swiss.
Waiter: No, we don’t have swiss. Do you want mozzarella or cheddar?
Customer: You don’t have swiss?
Waiter: Nope, but we do have mozzarella and cheddar.
Customer: That sucks!
Waiter: Yeah, I’m sorry. Would you like either mozzarella or cheddar?
Customer: What other cheeses do you have?
Waiter: Mozzarella and cheddar.
Customer: Don’t you have any other cheeses?

Salt Lake City, Utah

It’s What All the Olympic Athletes Are Doing These Days

Male employee #1, at lunch, peeling a banana: So, I’m doing a detox diet, where I eat only fruit for two weeks, and a bit of meat is introduced during the third. It’s rough, but I’m actually starting to feel more sprightly.
Male employee #2: I say…it really works? I should try it. I’m knackered, and I’m getting a paunch. I’d like to detox that baby from my midriff.
(thin, lovely, female coworker, clutching mug of coffee, enters lunchroom)
Male employee #2: Sophie, what do you do to keep fit? Do you eat fruit at breakfast, perhaps?
Sophie, taking sip of coffee: I believe for breakfast I had beer and chocolate biscuits.

High Holborn

Overheard by: Mr Tickle

And How Many Times Has This Happened to You?

Client on phone, returning from lunch: What, we have a meeting now? I’ll be there in ten minutes. Is [the boss] around?
Admin: Yeah, he’s right here.
Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.
Admin: Um, you’re on speakerphone.
Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you never to put me on speakerphone!?

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: So who is this [Harold] guy?
Co-worker #2: He was hired for a job, but never showed up.
Co-worker #1: Why? Did you ever find out?
Co-worker #2: All he wanted to do was rape and pillage, but Jesus wouldn’t allow it in this establishment.

8042 South Grant Way
Littleton, Colorado