Archive for the ‘Out to Lunch’ Category

You Know What — I’ll Just Take a Wa­ter

Wait­er to cus­tomer: I’m sor­ry, but we’re out of swiss. Would you like moz­zarel­la or ched­dar?
Cus­tomer: Swiss.
Wait­er: No, we don’t have swiss. Do you want moz­zarel­la or ched­dar?
Cus­tomer: You don’t have swiss?
Wait­er: Nope, but we do have moz­zarel­la and ched­dar.
Cus­tomer: That sucks!
Wait­er: Yeah, I’m sor­ry. Would you like ei­ther moz­zarel­la or ched­dar?
Cus­tomer: What oth­er cheeses do you have?
Wait­er: Moz­zarel­la and ched­dar.
Cus­tomer: Don’t you have any oth­er cheeses?

Salt Lake City, Utah

It’s What All the Olympic Ath­letes Are Do­ing These Days

Male em­ploy­ee #1, at lunch, peel­ing a ba­nana: So, I’m do­ing a detox di­et, where I eat on­ly fruit for two weeks, and a bit of meat is in­tro­duced dur­ing the third. It’s rough, but I’m ac­tu­al­ly start­ing to feel more spright­ly.
Male em­ploy­ee #2: I say…it re­al­ly works? I should try it. I’m knack­ered, and I’m get­ting a paunch. I’d like to detox that ba­by from my midriff.
(thin, love­ly, fe­male cowork­er, clutch­ing mug of cof­fee, en­ters lunch­room)
Male em­ploy­ee #2: So­phie, what do you do to keep fit? Do you eat fruit at break­fast, per­haps?
So­phie, tak­ing sip of cof­fee: I be­lieve for break­fast I had beer and choco­late bis­cuits.

High Hol­born

Over­heard by: Mr Tick­le

And How Many Times Has This Hap­pened to You?

Client on phone, re­turn­ing from lunch: What, we have a meet­ing now? I’ll be there in ten min­utes. Is [the boss] around?
Ad­min: Yeah, he’s right here.
Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.
Ad­min: Um, you’re on speak­er­phone.
Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you nev­er to put me on speak­er­phone!?

Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin

1PM Lunch

Co-work­er #1: So who is this [Harold] guy?
Co-work­er #2: He was hired for a job, but nev­er showed up.
Co-work­er #1: Why? Did you ever find out?
Co-work­er #2: All he want­ed to do was rape and pil­lage, but Je­sus would­n’t al­low it in this es­tab­lish­ment.

8042 South Grant Way
Lit­tle­ton, Col­orado