Archive for the ‘Out to Lunch’ Category

Every An­geli­na Jolie Movie: En­cap­su­lat­ed.

30-some­thing red­head to old­er male lunch com­pan­ion: I’m kind of dis­gust­ed with my cur­rent job in law en­force­ment. I’m think­ing of a ca­reer change to ei­ther a high­ly-paid call girl or an as­sas­sin.
Old­er male lunch com­pan­ion: Well, you’re awe­some at sex, and you *do* know how to kill peo­ple…

Restau­rant
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

You Can Pool Your Ig­no­rance, but It Nev­er Turns In­to Milk

Male: No, I’m sure it said “buf­fa­lo moz­zarel­la.“
Fe­male #1: Well, I know moz­zarel­la is made from cow’s milk.
Male: Maybe it’s from Buf­fa­lo, NY.
Fe­male #1: Is that where moz­zarel­la is from?
Male: Maybe.
Fe­male #2: Is goat cheese made from goats?
Wait­ress: No, usu­al­ly from the milk.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

News­Flash: Woman Beat­en to Death with Krullers. Ruled “Jus­ti­fi­able.”

Soc­cer mom: Can I have a medi­um iced lat­te? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Em­ploy­ee: $2.99.
Soc­cer mom: And how much is the medi­um?
Em­ploy­ee: $2.69.
Soc­cer mom: So which is the bet­ter val­ue?
Em­ploy­ee: Huh?
Soc­cer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medi­um? What’s the cost per ounce of each?
Next cus­tomer in line: Here’s thir­ty cents, just give her a large.
Soc­cer mom: I’m not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh!

Dunkin Donuts
Long Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Heavy D

Oh Hon­ey, Every­body in San Fran­scis­co Knows How to Hug from Be­hind

Lunch room break­er #1: The irony is that she was the on­ly one that knew the Heim­lich ma­neu­ver, but she could­n’t do it be­cause she was six months preg­nant.
Dumb dumb: So, why could­n’t she do it?
Lunch room break­er #1: Do you know what the Heim­lich ma­neu­ver is?

Pine Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

You Know What — I’ll Just Take a Wa­ter

Wait­er to cus­tomer: I’m sor­ry, but we’re out of swiss. Would you like moz­zarel­la or ched­dar?
Cus­tomer: Swiss.
Wait­er: No, we don’t have swiss. Do you want moz­zarel­la or ched­dar?
Cus­tomer: You don’t have swiss?
Wait­er: Nope, but we do have moz­zarel­la and ched­dar.
Cus­tomer: That sucks!
Wait­er: Yeah, I’m sor­ry. Would you like ei­ther moz­zarel­la or ched­dar?
Cus­tomer: What oth­er cheeses do you have?
Wait­er: Moz­zarel­la and ched­dar.
Cus­tomer: Don’t you have any oth­er cheeses?

Salt Lake City, Utah